My Stroke Story

On Thanksgiving Night (2014) about 8:00 p.m. Completely unexpected, and definitely unplanned, I had a dense and rather severe Ishemic Stroke.

 I am here to tell you of the power of prayer.  We believe it was the faithful and heartfelt prayers of MANY that helped me to survive this stroke.  Miracles do exist.

I was 47 years old and in my opinion...way too young to be having a stroke!  Many  people agree with me.  I am way way too young.  How did it happen? 

The doctors are still trying to figure that out. They told me I was a complex, complicated patient in that my symptoms did not match what they usually see. Because my recovery was so quick, they originally believed it was a migraine cluster headache, that can mimic a stroke many times. They no longer believe that was the case.  I have never had a migraine head-ache in my life and don't suffer from a lot of bad headaches.  My original stroke symptoms were very severe but it wasn't until the first MRI came back that they saw that I did indeed have a dense severe Ishemic stroke. 

The confusion for the doctors and for us is that  I have zero risk factors that we know of yet.  I have very low blood pressure, low cholesterol, I am not diabetic, do not smoke, and exercise fairly regularly.

 Not quite a full week later, I am doing good for the most part. I can tell my brain is still healing and not 100% back to normal, but hoping I will make a full recovery.

 It is very therapeutic for me to write what happened to me, and many people including family members are still asking questions of what my stroke was like.  Since Thanksgiving, I have been reading other stroke stories, and I haven't found any stroke stories that were just like mine.

 My Story

 It still seems very surreal to me, as if I am writing this about someone else.  Since having the stroke, I am just now beginning  to realize it actually happened to me. Yet, I am still not in full acceptance.  It still feels like a weird dream I had.

 I am going into full detail as I tell this as you will see all the moments that my stroke could have hit, but didn't.  Skim past the details if it is too long for you. 

Thanksgiving Day (2014)  was as normal as Thanksgiving Days can be.  I started the morning running a 5K with my daughter Aubrey and sister-in-law Amber for a dear friend who was recovering from breast cancer.  I am definitely not an avid runner, but I do run once or twice a week on the treadmill, and run about 2 5Ks a year. I probably exerted myself a little more than I should have, but after the race was over, I felt great and my recovery was really easy. What I am trying to say is, I have had harder 5Ks.  We all kind of want to attribute the stroke to the 5K, but at this point that is not a cause for my stroke. The doctors said,  I would have had my stroke during the race, during the exertion period if that was the cause, not later that night. 

After the race we went home and prepared our portion of the Thanksgiving Dinner. About 1:00 pm, we went down to my in-laws house for the big feast.  I remember eating normal serving sizes and not over-eating like I can do at Thanksgiving.    After that we hung out, played games, and I was feeling a little weird from the run, just kind of exhausted. My lungs felt kind of stripped from the cold air we ran in and  I had this deep urge, to just go to sleep. I tried sleeping sitting up on the couch, but I was super uncomfortable, and in pain. My whole body just felt uncomfortable. I kind of withdrew from the family activities, as I felt so worn out and so exhausted. I couldn't seem to recover from it.  I remember telling my husband, I just need to sleep.  Which I did. I went and found a quiet room in  the house and layed on the floor and had a great cat-nap.

About 4:00pm, I had this weird desire to just go back home and take out my contacts and put my glasses on.   I look at this as a little prep that was going on for what was about to happen later. 

About 6:00 pm that night we went Black Friday shopping with some family members.  I have been Black Friday shopping many times, and this was the one year I absolutely did not want to go. I just didn't care !   Out of tradition, kinda, we went.  This is one of those annoying sales when one sale starts at 6:00pm , and the other at 8:00pm.  At one point we were planning on staying for the 8:00pm sale, but the things we wanted were already taken by having to have a  special ticket which we didn't have. Like I said earlier, we just weren't into it, and decided to just go home. (blessings and miracles!!)

We got home about 7:45 pm. As soon as I walk in the door at my in-laws house, my two youngest girls 9 and 11 years old wanted me to drive them home to get their pajamas so they could sleep over at Grandmas.  Normally I would procrastinate since I just got home....but I thought...let's go now!  So I drove 3 little girls to our house and was back home at the in-laws in 10 minutes.

As soon as I walked in the door this time, Amber, my oldest daughter started telling me the shirts she just barely bought at a Black Friday sale did not fit good and she wanted to return them.  She planned on just going the next day, but I told her, no...go now! (I have no idea why I said that, in reality the next day would have been a much better idea to avoid the crowds. It turned out that her going shopping and returning at a crucial moment, was a part of my story)  So she took her sister Rebekah  to the store to return her shirts.

Everyone started eating left-overs and pie and we were getting ready for a improve skit game downstairs.  I ate a little bit, then decided I would go to the bathroom.  I took my tablet in there so I could read my emails. (TMI?)


The Stroke Hits

 The entire family went downstairs to do skits, while I was upstairs  in the bathroom.  My stroke hit while I was in the bathroom.  I remember standing up to button my pants, and then the next thing I remember is being in a different far away place mentally, and not remembering HOW to zip up my pants.  I stood there, frozen physically, and mentally.... in a DAZE. I could not remember how to zip, and I was going in and out of sub-consciousness. 

While I was going in and out of consciousness, I remember I had a goofy grin on my face. Now I know, that goofy grin was in reality my paralyzed right side of my face.  I also could not get my ride side of my body to do anything it was supposed to do. Anything that it does automatically (zip...) no   longer was responding.  I think I eventually zipped my pants with my left hand, after a very long time of standing there zoning out.

I did not have any pain, I didnt' fall over and collapse, nor was I was  aware I was  having a stroke. I remember feeling dizzy, confused, some double-vision, couldn't talk, and my face drooping.

My stroke hit the left side of my brain, and so my whole right side was effected. I think my brain was trying to send messages for my right side, but it couldn't  respond. .

After the momentous task of zipping my pants was over, I made my way to the bathroom door, (which is about 2 steps away)  and once again was completely stuck in my subconscious state. I was far, far, far, away, and getting father every second.  Everything was very foggy and not really there.   It was like being in a deep deep sleep and someone is trying to wake you, and you just can't wake up, although your eyes are still open.  I stood there trying to figure out how to open the bathroom door.  I kept bumping the door knob but didn't' know how to turn the knob.  I was in this place for a while, going in and out of awareness and kept coming back to the door knob.  My left side of my brain was saying open the door, and my right side was completely not there.

My nephew (10 years old) came upstairs and was on the other side of the door as I was messing with the lock and the door knob. I don't know still, if I got myself out, or if I just loosened the lock enough and he was on the other side and pushed the door open.   Somehow he was in the right place at the right time and helped me get out.

I miraculously made it out of the bathroom with a locked door.  I was now sinking deeper and deeper into a place where I couldn't communicate with the outside world.  I made my way to the front room couch. That was the last place I could go on my own during my stroke.  I remember walking lopsided and loopy. I slumped down on a cushion, and I was completely unaware of really anything at all.  No one knew I was there, and I just sat there, slumped over, going farther and farther into my stroke.

 My new problem was that my tablet was on my lap I was trying to figure out how to get it off my lap and into my bag. This took an enormous amount of time and effort as I tried to lift it a few times, but my brain couldn't figure out how to get it off my lap.  I tried lifting one corner-end of my tablet, and I just couldn't do it. I would look at the bag where I wanted it to go, look at my tablet, try to lift it, but couldn't get it off my lap.  I then,  officially,  went into a far away foggy place where I could no longer connect with the outside world. I could sometimes hear, and see in a loopy foggy way, but I couldn't speak or move my body. All sounds and visuals were coming from the end of a tunnel, that came in and out of reality.

Sometime later....( maybe 5 minutes?)  my daughters Amber  and Rebekah  came home from shopping.  Amber saw me on the couch and in her bubbly personality says excitedly, "Hi MOM!!"  She wanted to show me what she just bought at the store. I was vaguely aware of her sitting next to me. I felt like I should acknowledge her and respond, but I couldn't connect at all.  I heard her say my name, and knew she was next to me, but I couldn't speak, move, or connect to her.   She told me later how she could tell I was trying to tell her something, and a few times I tried to stand up, but couldn't. She also told me how I kept  showing her my tablet, but she didn't know what I was trying to do. I don't remember any of this. 

She tried a few times to talk to me, and when she figured out something was wrong with me, she told Rebekah to go get Dad and tell him that Mom is not responding.  Beckah went downstairs,  and in that time Amber noticed my face was  drooping, and she knew I was not alright.

She then ran downstairs and said, " Dad! Mom is not OK!  Her face is drooping and we keep trying to talk to her and she is not responding." This was a private conversation that no one else heard in the room.  Than my husband, Richard, ran up the stairs and as soon as he saw me, he  knew I was having a stroke. I vaguely remember him kneeling down in front of me.  Pleading with me, he said, "Susan, Susan!" "You are having a stroke!"  "I am going to take care of you!!"  "We are taking you to the hospital!"  Then he instructed  Amber to go and get Kyle (future son-in-law).  So Amber ran back to the stairs and yelled for Kyle and no one listened. They responded with, why are you yelling?   Then Amber said, "My mom is not OK. I think she is having a stroke! "  Then Kyle first, then all the uncles sprint up the stairs to get me into the car. 

Richard  and Kyle carried me out to the car. I have a very vague recollection of this.  I was thinking how silly it was that they were fussing over me, I could vaguely sense the sheer panic and heavy seriousness of the moment. I was like a baby, not understanding  why they were so concerned.   I thought if I just stopped acting like this, they would know I was OK.  I felt no pain whatsoever, and was not afraid of anything.  The place of my sub-conscious I was in, was a peaceful, place of no worries.  Kyle sat behind my seat in our suburban, holding on to my shoulders as I could not hold myself up, and my husband whipped around corners and down the 3 streets to the hospital.  My sweet future son-in-law, told me during this, "Mom it is going to be OK. God knows that we still need you"

We get inside the hospital and they literally get me into a wheel chair and zoom me back into the ER room. I barely   remember any of this. I was going in and out of consciousness. I have bits and pieces of seeing events, people, etc. I could sense the panic in everyone: my husband, son-in-law, mother-in-law, and all the doctors.  I was literally just losing it....peacefully, but very fast. 

 I layed on the ER table, the doctors and nurses began ripping my shirt off as fast as they could and connecting things to my chest.  They threw a hospital gown on me. Still had my pants on the whole time. After doing a few tests like, "grip my fingers,  Susan!Susan!.. talk to me!!... they got me on a table and ran me down to get a CT scan." My daughter Aubrey said they went right past her, and I stared straight through her, not seeing her.  She said I had a glazed look and just kept staring straight through everyone. I wasn't there even though my eyes were open, I wasn't really seeing anything.


Prayers going UP

While all of this was happening, my family began calling and texting everyone they thought should know. Social media was alive and well. Prayers began going up to heaven really fast.  At home, at my in-laws house, they all knelt down and had a family prayers when they whisked me off the to ER.  Richard called my parents, who in turn called my 6 brothers, who in turn called all of their children. Everyone stopped what they were doing and had a family prayers. Some of them who are in a different time zone had already gone to bed, woke up and joined the family prayers. One of my brothers was skyping with children, and they stopped the skpe and prayed. Amber texted her best friends at college and they stopped what they were doing and knelt and had prayer, and we are still hearing experiences like this of prayer from family, friends, acquaintances, and people who don't know me at all, but know members of my family.  Thank-you to ALL of you.  I believe it was the sincere heartfelt prayers that helped me to recover in a miraculous way.

Prayer is real!! God is real! He hears and answers our prayers!!!!


 A lot of things happened in the ER that I am totally unaware of.  For an hour and a half I was in this peaceful place in my subconscious where every once in a while I would get a glimpse of what was happening around me, but I had no power whatsoever to connect or speak. And, everything was in a far far away foggy place and not real.  I think I moved my eyes from side to side, and maybe my head.

Glimpses

While I was unconscious or where ever I was, I had glimpses of my surroundings, but then would go quickly back to be unconscious state. 

 I remember once, coming to, and seeing my husband kneeling down next to my hospital bed stroking my hand and telling me I had the most beautiful hands he had ever seen. He turned to his mom who was standing in the corner of the room, and said, "Mom, don't you think she has the most beautiful hands you have ever seen!!

 Another time I remember seeing him gripping his head in a desperate way, pacing the room,  and crying into his hands. He was imagining the worst possible moment of his life come to fruition, and he was beside himself with desperate feelings he couldn't control.

Another time, I remember seeing my beautiful caring sister-in-law Amber sitting in the corner of my room in a chair. I saw her sitting there, then I was gone again.

These are glimpses I will never forget. 

The place of my brain I was in as so peaceful, so free of worries, or cares, a part of me was completely fine staying there. I didn't know if I wanted to leave that state of mind. 

I was somewhat aware that there was panic and worry in the room, but I had no connection to it whatsoever. It was like "oh that's too bad" in a really non-chalant, unfeeling way. It was not an out of body experience, but it was in a way too. I felt bad that they were suffering, but didn't feel I had anything to do with controlling it, nor did I feel responsible for it. This is NOT my personality at all. I am a people -pleaser to a fault, and don't like to see others hurt, embarrassed, or suffering and not try to help. It was kind of a nice vacation from that part of my life.

The Miracle happened at precisely the right moment

I was in this condition for an hour and a half.  At this point, the doctors were ready to take it to the next level. They had medicine they were ready to inject into me,  Salt Lake was ready to receive me, and the life-flight helicopter was ready to go. The doctors had the paperwork drawn up for it, and were ready to send me to Salt Lake.

Then I turned to my husband and wanted to talk, and then I was able to speak and ask him what was happening. 

Richard shouted...."she talked!  she talked!!"  Then everyone rushed to my side of the bed. Although everything was very sluggish, I was talking and that made everyone extremely happy.  The first thing I noticed was an IV in my right arm. I have zero memory of that being inserted. I talked to the doctor, my husband, mother-in-law, father-in-law, Amber, Aubrey, and Kyle. All one at a time as only two people could be in the room.   I called my mom, called my daughters who were at home, and had this miraculous amazing turn around recovery.  Everyone was thrilled to hear my voice. 
  

I then was talking via satellite to a University of Utah Stroke specialist, or neurologist. She was asking me questions about what I had experienced and how I was feeling.  Twice they had me read first grade words on a paper, and identify simple pictures, and tell them what was happening in each picture.

Our neurologist came next and began talking with me as he was trying to understand how I had a stroke and what might have caused it.  During this conversation, I felt my right side of my face, mainly my mouth droop and I could not control it or stop it. This concerned everyone all over again, and I had another CT scan injecting different fluids in me to see other things.

I spent the rest of the night in the hospital in ICU and had an MRI scheduled the next morning.  Richard slept by me on a fold-down chair, holding my hand all night. Sleeping in the ICU is an experience that neither me or my husband have ever experienced. (not a lot of quality sleep) They have an important job to do there, and I am grateful for all the care I received.

The MRI test results came back and confirmed I did have a dense Ischemic stroke. I have learned that WHERE a stroke hits determines the damage and  disability.  If our brain and all the veins were like a tree with all of its branches, my stroke hit in the tips of the branches. That made my recovery so much better than most. If it hits in the trunk or father down the tree, than the results are not as kind. 


Thank-you all for your prayers and thoughts and concerns.  I just pray that the doctors will find out what caused it. I have wonderful doctors who are trying to figure out why a person with no stroke risk factors, no family history of it, still had a stroke.  I am recovering really well, and my only symptoms now that I am aware of, are dizziness and some memory lapses.  I am positive I will have a complete recovery as my brain heals.


THANK-YOU ALL for your prayers!!!  Even if they were just silent prayers of worry or concern from your heart. They were heard and I have been blessed because of it!!!

 (9 months later)

I would say, at this  point, I am 80-90% fully recovered, although the past 9 months have been a roller-coaster ride of healing and health issues. Why I had the stroke remains a mystery, as all my tests come back perfect. At this point the theory is possibly a blood clot that got loose during my run and traveled through my heart and up to my brain.

The hardest time came of my stroke recovery came  6 weeks later. I had acute exhaustion, developed shingles, and have had cognitive issues.  But I am alive!! I survived !! I have recovered in a miraculous way from something that takes lives or leaves its victims unable to function normally. For the most part, life has gone on the same!

Acute exhaustion has been my biggest enemy! Most stroke survivors can relate to this one!! There is no medicine for it, no help for it, but time and rest.  This type of exhaustion is nothing like being sleepy, tired, or had-a-hard day. You can't sleep it off. This is acute fatigue!! If I get stressed or over-do it, I am in bed for 3 days recovering.  From January-May I worked in the 4th grade all day as a teachers instructional aide. It was a 30 hour a week job, that I loved, but about killed me having to go everyday. I do not know how I got through it all except I loved being there! 

 My short term memory became very unreliable! Every short term memory problem I already had from being myself, was now acute!!  I would lose something, and there was no recalling or retracing my memories to find it again. That information was gone, and not coming back! I would leave the store, and have NO memory of where I parked, and no way of pulling up the memory of parking.  I had to always rely on my kids to know where we parked.  This aspect has greatly improved, but I have my moments still!

I have had cognitive issues with math.   When going to the store (I always use cash) I could not count money. It completely overwhelmed my brain to count money. I would look in my wallet, and didn't know how  to add the money up on the spot for the cashier.  It overwhelmed me cognitively.  I would just hand the cashier some money and she would always  hand me back what I didnt' need. I was like a baby and small child in many ways cognitively!!  In school where I worked with the 4th graders in a math group, I would always do the problems wrong.  I would flip numbers. If we were multiplying 9 X 9, I would write down 18, instead of 81. And the kids would let me know I got it wrong!! The math part of my brain has healed and I am able to count money now and feel back to normal again.

I have been an automatic speller my whole life! I don't have to even think of how to spell things, my brain just does it!!  Because of that I trust my spelling instincts, and if something is spelled wrong, I know it.  One day while correcting spelling tests in the 4th grade, all the words were spelled wrong and funny to me.  They were all words that ended in "le" like bottle, able, buckle, candle...In my brain these were all spelled wrong and pronounced " bottlee, ablee, bucklee, candlee...and the le should be switched. In fact I looked at those words, and it was as if someone had scrambled all the letters up. It didn't make sense at all. I went up to the teacher and told her the answer key was not right. She was pretty sure they were right and even looked it up for me....It was my brain, flipping and switching things.  That has only happened one time with spelling, but as my brain has healed, I have had moments like this more times than I want to admit. That has almost one away completely since then.

I am so grateful to be alive and that this stroke did not take my life!! Every few weeks I hear stories of other stroke victims of my age,  who did not survive, or who did not fair as well as I have.  I am blessed and know that prayers were answered on my behalf!! 

We found a cause for my stroke!

The doctors were finally able to find a cause for my stroke almost a year later! I would encourage anyone who has had a stroke for no apparent reason, like I did, to look into getting this procedure!!  It is an echo-cardiogram with a bubble study test. I had two echo-cardiograms which only showed how strong my heart is with all four chambers functioning properly and with regular rhythmic beats. It is a pretty amazing organ...the heart!   When I had the bubble study test done with the echo-cardiogram,  it showed that I have a Patent Foramen Ovale (PFO for short) or another term is Atrial Septum Defect. It is a hole in your heart that didn't close properly at birth.  In is fairly common (25% of all births). I am close to  50 years old and I never knew I had this septum defect. 

Closing the hole is fairly controversial. Does the procedure out weigh the risks involved?  Does keeping a patient on blood thinner do the trick the same as closing the hole with a device? Does the fact that a patient has had a stroke at a young age (under 50) for no apparent reason (remember I had *low blood pressure*low cholesterol*don't smoke*don't drink*and exercise regularly*no family history of stroke) give reason to close the septum? 

These are all questions the cardiologists and neurologists  were trying to determine.  They decided it wasn't worth the risk involved, and decided to keep me on blood thinners. 

I have to say, I am thrilled with that decision. I know it is routine, but it was a procedure that involved my heart, so that is high risk in my opinion. I am happy to be  done with this!!!!

Day of Grace

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Mormon was the great ancient American  military general, a Nephite prophet of his people, and record keeper of
their history (311-385 A.D.)

Mormon was  instructed to prepare himself to take charge of the records and record keeping.  At the time Mormon was 10 years old. Ammaron, the one who was keeping the records and preserving the records at that time, noticed that Mormon was" a sober, and quick to observe" child.  He told him that when he reached the age of 24, he was to go to the specific hill that he had hid all the records, and go there and engrave the things he observes with the people.  After recording the history of his own lifetime, Mormon abridged the large plates of Nephi on the plates of Mormon. He later turned this sacred record over to his son Moroni. These plates were part of the record from which Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon (See also: Introduction to the Book of Mormon) )

Mormon lived during a very violent, corrupt, and evil stricken time of Book of Mormon history. Horrible scenes  were their everyday life, and can only be placed at the end of a civilization . (Mormon 1)

But wickedness did prevail upon the face of the whole land, insomuch that the Lord did take away his beloved disciples, and the work of miracles and of healing did cease because of the iniquity of the people. 

 And there were no gifts from the Lord, and the Holy Ghost did not come upon any, because of their wickedness and unbelief. 

 And I, being fifteen years of age and being somewhat of a sober mind, therefore I was visited of the Lord, and tasted and knew of the goodness of Jesus. 

And I did endeavor to preach unto this people, but my mouth was shut, and I was forbidden that I should preach unto them;

 At what we would consider now a days, a very young age, Mormon was called to lead the Nephite army. He was 15.  The people looked to Mormon as a savior.  To save them.  They looked to him as if he were their last and only hope of survival. Yet, it was without  hope because they would not listen to Mormon, and would not repent of their sins and come unto Christ so that HE could save them. 

Mormon went to great lengths and personal sorrow, to teach them to repent and come unto Christ. At times, he was hopeful that their sorrows would turn them to Christ. But it was not to be.

 Their Day of Grace had passed.

"And they did not come unto Jesus with broken hearts and contrite spirits, but they did curse God, and wish to die. Nevertheless they would struggle with the sword for their lives" Mormon 2:14

"And it came to pass that my sorrow did return unto me again, and I saw that the day of grace was passed with them, both temporally and spiritually; for I saw thousands of them hewn down in open rebellion against their God, and heaped up as dung upon the face of the land. And thus three hundred and forty and four years had passed away" Mormon 2:15 

Their day of grace had passed. Their day of grace had passed both temporally and spiritually.    I found that to be a powerful statement.

Did you know that there was a grace period with the Lord?

We have grace periods in our temporal everyday lives when it comes to the law. 

This definition of grace period can be thought of in a spiritual way with the Lord in mind.

Definition: A grace period is a time past the deadline for an obligation during which a late penalty that would have been imposed is waived. Grace periods, which can range from a number of minutes to a number of days or longer, depending on the context, can apply in various situations, including arrival at a job, paying a bill, for meeting a government or legal requirement, or in many other situations.

So with that definition, I learn that the Lord's Day of Grace is FILLED with mercy.  He has forgiven, He has given and shown mercy when mercy wasn't expected or deserved. He has gone on- and -on with waiting, showing mercy, forgiving, when the time was WAY past for change and repentance. Yet He still forgave and gave mercy.  It sounds to me as if HE the Lord, determines the time period of our day of grace and when it is passed.  Each specific and extremely personal to each one of His children.

The Bible Dictionary explanation of GRACE:

The main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ.

It is through the grace of the Lord Jesus, made possible by His atoning sacrifice, that mankind will be raised in immortality, every person receiving his body from the grave in a condition of everlasting life. It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts.

Divine grace is needed by every soul in consequence of the Fall of Adam and also because of man’s weaknesses and shortcomings. However, grace cannot suffice without total effort on the part of the recipient. Hence the explanation, “It is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do” (2 Ne. 25:23). It is truly the grace of Jesus Christ that makes salvation possible.

The Day of Grace passed for the Nephite people because they did not put forth any works of righteousness. Grace applies AFTER we have "expended our own best efforts"  "total effort on the part of the recipient"  "after all we can do"

If we give up, don't care, quit trying, and live a life of wickedness-grace cannot be applied towards us. At least that is how I understand it.

It is a gift given to us as we do our part.

Church History Tour- The Red Brick Store

On this morning, we woke up early and were scheduled to be in the Red Brick Store at 7:00 AM.  Now,  some of you may be wondering what was so amazing about the Red Brick Store.  It wasn't the store, but upstairs from the store that was the sacred site. That was the location where the Relief Society was organized under the authority of the Priesthood and Joseph Smith the prophet! 



The Relief Society was organized by Joseph Smith and his wife Emma was "elected" as President of that society, or group of women. There was an actual vote, and she was voted in.  Each woman who wanted to join the Relief Society had to apply to be apart, then they may be voted in. The instructor who was teaching this class mentioned that his ancestor applied to join, and actually did not make it in the first time she applied.  She was voted in at a later time.

So this of coarse is different than how we each become a part of Relief Society today. We are each apart of this organization as we become members of the church and are 18 years and older.

Interesting that Emma was "elected" as in the Doctrine and Covenants 25: 3  she is actually called an "Elect Lady".

" Behold, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou art an elect lady, whom I have called."

Elect means: called and chosen or elected by assignment.

This organization of women service and leadership is not a new group or club that is something to be apart of.  This institution is of ANCIENT ORIGEN. The restoration of the true gospel of Jesus Christ, required a full restoration of ALL things.  The Relief Society organization was needed to complete that restoration

Just some facts:

• "The Relief Society is the oldest and largest women's organization in the world. Relief Society was established in 1842 for women 18 years of age and older. Its purpose is to build faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and help those in need."

• "Caring for the homeless, the hungry and the destitute is one of our missions. We work together to offer immediate relief and hope for a better life. "

The Red Brick Store is owned and operated by the Community of Christ, the reorganized church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They were very accommodating as we used the upper floor for a special meeting. Then later we went down stairs and bought things from their store.

5 Steps to Greater Spirituality

Over the summer my husband and I had a great opportunity to go to some workshops on a husband/wife retreat with his work.  In one of our workshops we were blessed to hear from Elder Yoshihiku Kicuchi. He is such a spiritual holy man that was a great joy and pleasure to be in his company.  He has had a remarkable life: Being a convert to the Church in Japan to begin with, then going on to serve a 30 month mission, Mission President in Hawaii, Temple President of the Tokyo Temple, and member of the First Quorum of the Seventy.

He shared with us some experiences he had while serving as Mission President, as well as some very important principles he taught the missionaries.  These have had a profound impact in my life, and I hope they can help you as well

He told how when he arrived in Hawaii as a new Mission President there were many missionaries not living the missionary rules. He told us of surprise visits to their apartments in the middle of the day to find missionaries still in bed sleeping, surf boards in their living rooms, and so forth.  Because of this, not surprisingly, their baptisms per mission were extremely low. They needed a new commitment to their mission and to life.  He began to implement a program that was so powerful that their baptisms per month went from 24 to 154 in a matter of a few months time.  More than that, it changed the spiritual lives of many of the young missionaries. 

 This formula taught to Elder Kicuchi by President David O McKay can change OUR lives and increase OUR spirituality if we implement this into our daily routine. You can think of this as 5 Steps to Greater Spirituality, a Personal Devotional, OR... 

 How to have your OWN Sacred Grove Experience

The Sacred Grove
(taken by Susan Rust)

and get closer to the Lord

Now I am not talking about replicating the First Vision when Joseph Smith saw God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ in this grove of trees. 

I am talking about beginning each day in a  daily devotional of sorts that is sacred and holy time  just for you.

By small and simple things....great things are brought to pass.

This is one of those small and simple things...which can bring great blessings into your life.

Here is the formula taught by Elder Kicuchi spoken in a cute Japanese accent:

1. Arise Early...determined by you.  Arising early shows your willingness.  Follow this with some exercise which can be but doesn't have to be longer than 15 minutes.
2. Wash Your Body...even if you have never been a shower every single day kind of person following this step has great benefits.  Besides feeling clean and being clean, there is something ritualistic to the physical cleansing of your body that is actually very spiritual.
3. Get dressed for the day in clean linen...this goes without saying, but get dressed and ready for the day
4. Subdue your Spirit... which is the time for  meaningful personal prayer.  Come to know the Savior Jesus Christ and commune with the Father.
5. Wait for Inspiration of the Holy Father... immerse yourself in daily scripture and gospel study. This is where answers will come.

What a powerful yet simple way to start the day.  I have been living this and I love it.  If you feel your spirituality and life needs a new jump start....try this out.  It can change your life.

Church History Tour- Which Plate Am I ?

Church History Tour: Brigham Young's Home

The Kitchen table in the Brigham Young home in Nauvoo
(Photo taken by Richard Rust, with permission)

B-A-C-K to the Church History Tour!  One of my favorite places of the whole tour was of coarse, Nauvoo.  I love that city and love visiting there.  It had been about 13 years since I was there last, so it was exciting to be back again.

While we were there we heard from various people and missionaries, "go see the Brigham Young house!"

We went inside and it was quaint and cute like all the other restored homes, smelling a little dusty, testifying to me that yes this place is old, and very authentic. 

[Update: The Atonement plates are in the Brigham Young home, but no longer used as a lesson for visitors coming in. They stopped teaching it because these plates were found on site before renovations, but they can’t prove they were Brigham Young’s. I decided to keep my post because the lesson remains powerful regardless of the ownership of the plates.]

At first I didn't quite see how it was "the best house in Nauvoo" or was any different than the other homes. I loved them all as there is some lesson or principle to learn in each house.

In the Brigham Young home the principle that they taught was the Atonement.  Just thinking about it now, I am taken back to the moment we stood in front of this table and were taught about plates and the Atonement.

The story: As they were beginning to restore the Brigham Young home, they found out by the cellar/or maybe in the cellar,  a dishes set, that was badly broken.  A Senior missionary serving in Nauvoo on a mission, knew about restoring plates like this and went about making these plates look as if they were  new and had never been broken. The process is interesting and remarkable how they can make something that is so badly broken and unusable, new again without even a mark or scar to be seen.

The missionaries compared these plates to the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  They explained how our Savior takes each one of us in a broken plate state, and through His mercy, grace, and the great power of His Atonement, redeems us, and makes us new again. 

I loved this lesson, and contemplated for days... Where  am I at in the cleansing process of the Atonement? Am I letting the Savior change me and redeem me? Which plate am I?

*All photos of the plates were taken in the in the Brigham Young home in Nauvoo
 by Richard Rust, with permission

Church History Tour: Liberty Jail Experience

As we visited Liberty Jail and saw with our eyes and felt so much of what Joseph Smith and the other prisoners went through, I really felt grateful for how he endured that trial and what he learned from it, and how I have grown from this experience as well as my own Liberty Jail trials.

Liberty Jail:  A small jail in which the Prophet Joseph Smith and others were unjustly imprisoned from November 1838 to April 1839. While in these difficult conditions, Joseph received certain revelations, gave prophecies, and was inspired to write an important letter to the Saints, excerpts of which are contained in Doctrine and Covenants 121–123.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland gave an astoundingly great talk on this very subject called

"Lessons From Liberty Jail"

It is a must read, and I hope you will take the time to study that talk.

"In the Prophet Joseph’s letters, he spoke of the jail being a “hell, surrounded with demons … where we are compelled to hear nothing but blasphemous oaths, and witness a scene of blasphemy, and drunkenness and hypocrisy, and debaucheries of every description.”    “We have … not blankets sufficient to keep us warm; and when we have a fire, we are obliged to have almost a constant smoke,” he said.  “Our souls have been bowed down”   and “my nerve trembles from long confinement,” Joseph wrote.   “Pen, or tongue, or angels,” could not adequately describe “the malice of hell” that he suffered there.    All of this occurred during what, by some accounts, was considered the coldest winter on record in the state of Missouri." (Lessons from Liberty Jail)

The jail walls were 4 feet thick, 2 feet of wood and 2 feet of rock making escape impossible.  This was a horrible, terrible, lonely, and forsaken time in Joseph's life.  It was the hardest experience he had until the martyrdom, 5 years later.

Several of our present and past Church leaders have referred to Liberty Jail and a prison-temple.  Very interesting metaphor don't you think!

"Certainly this prison-temple lacked the purity, beauty, comfort, and cleanliness of our modern temples. The speech and behavior of the guards and criminals who came there were anything but temple-like. In fact, the restricting brutality and injustice of this experience at Liberty would make it seem the very antithesis of the liberating, merciful spirit of our temples and the ordinances performed in them." (Lessons from Liberty Jail)

"So in what sense could Liberty Jail be called a “temple,” and what does such a title tell us about God’s love and teachings, including where and when that love and those teachings are made manifest? In precisely this sense: that you can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experiences with the Lord in any situation you are in. Indeed, you can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experiences with the Lord in the most miserable experiences of your life—in the worst settings, while enduring the most painful injustices, when facing the most insurmountable odds and opposition you have ever faced" (Lessons from Liberty Jail)

What Truths Strengthen YOU from the Liberty Jail Experience ?

So many truths can be pulled out of this experience that Joseph had specifically. Liberty Jail was a totally refining trial in his life. It was said, that after Liberty, Joseph was a different prophet in that he knew who he was more, he spoke with more power and more confidence and more direction. Trials do that for us. They refine us and make us stronger and better. 

• Revelation was given for everyone! The Liberty Jail time was a refining time for ALL the Saints. and continues to be so even today!  Think about how other's trials also strengthen us!  Reading Doctrine and Covenants 121-123 that was FOR Joseph, was really FOR all of us. This scripture passage strengthens me like no other scripture passage does during hard refining trials.
• Trials of Liberty sustained them in future trials and cemented their faith.
• The Lord has His timing. Although we have to wait for a time period during trials, He has not left us, forgotten about us or forsaken us. Joseph  asked the Lord HOW LONG, and WHERE ART THOU? This time was extremely refining and sanctifying for Joseph.
• Even the worthy will suffer great trials. Trust that the Lord delivers! Things don't always work out the way we think they will. Our righteous desires aren't always fulfilled when we expect them to be. However, the Lord is still guiding us!



Homework assignment:

Elder Holland's talk Lessons from Liberty Jail

Doctrine and Covenants 121–123.



Church History Tour: Independence, Missouri

These shoes served me well and stood in many sacred holy places
that were "temple-like" in their sacredness and spirit...
from Independence, Missouri...to Liberty Jail...to Parley Street in
Nauvoo...to Winter Quarters in Omaha, Nebraska. 

Hi everyone!  Just got back from a whirlwind Church History Workshop with my husband and am excited to share some of the awesome, insights we learned along the way.  This was SUCH a great opportunity that I wish all of you could experience. I know we may be boring people or boring parents, but I would MUCH rather spend my money and time on a Church History Tour than a trip to Disney Land.  It is so worth it and such a testimony building experience.

You can't go to these sacred places without coming away moved, that yes indeed, something sacred happened here.  You feel it. However,  let me interject and say that you don't have to be in these places to know it is real, or to feel the power of testimony of these people and experiences. 

Someone once said, " In great deeds and great sacrifices
something resides." 

That is a very true statement. When you are standing in the same air, or on the same floor boards, or the same dirt that these people once did...where they sacrificed, did great deeds, or died for a cause....you FEEL of their spirit and their purpose.

Ready to go on a short Church History Tour? Let's begin....

We'll start with Independence, Missouri.

the promises and prophecies...

An important thing to remember is that Independence, Jackson County, Missouri was the location of the Garden of Eden.

"It is a pleasant thing to think of and to know where the garden of Eden was...In Jackson County was the garden of Eden, Joseph has declared this and I am as much bound to believe that as to believe Joseph was a prophet of God" (Brigham Young, Journal History of the Church, March 15, 1857)

"In accord with the revelations given to the Prophet Joseph Smith, we teach that the Garden of Eden was on the American continent located where the City of Zion or the New Jerusalem will be built.  When Adam and Eve were driven out of the Garden, they eventually dwelt at a place called Adam-ondi-Ahman, situated in Daviess County, Missouri" (Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation)

Independence is also the location of a future temple site and the New Jerusalem. Right now it is a large area of grass where  a cornerstone is layed.

" Joseph Smith dedicated the temple site for the city of New Jerusalem on August 3, 1831.  He laid the northeast cornerstone and delivered the dedicatory prayer."

the persecutions and misery...

Independence is a place of promise and prophecy.  However, when the early Saints lived there, it was anything but pleasant or promising. This is kind of a tough time of LDS Church History that we remember as being a place of persecutions and misery for the Church leaders and the Saints. The leaders of the Church were tarred and feathered, businesses and homes burned, and the Saints were driven out.  Like you, I have wondered WHY it was so bad or had to be so bad?  Where was the law? Where was the civility? Where was God?

In the 1830's Missouri was the far west border of the country.  It was where the lawless criminals were hiding out. The Saints were, of coarse,  not the lawless, uncivilized, uneducated type. They were a people who were  following their God, their prophet, and their faith.  This was the Independence, Missouri that the Saints found:

"It seemed good and pleasant for brethren to meet together in unity. But our reflections were many, coming as we had from a highly cultivated state of society in the east, and standing now upon the confines or western limits of the United States...; how natural t was to observe the degradation, leanness of intellect, ferocity, and jealousy of a people that were nearly a century behind the times.

As we could not associate with our neighbors (who were, many of them, of the basest of m en, and had fled from the face of civilized society, to the frontier country to escape the hand of justice)  in their midnight revels, their Sabbath breaking, horse racing, and gambling;  they commenced at first to ridicule, then to persecute." (History of the Church)  

Some may struggle with WHY the Saints had to suffer so much or HOW they endured all the persecutions they did. Some may wonder where God was for them at that time.  One principle to keep in mind is that the  the Lord was refining His Saints.  The refining process can't happen through easy times of no trial. Although the early Saints went through severe trials and suffered incredible losses, they were never alone.  When we go through hard times of trial and wonder where the Lord is we are never alone. I'll cover that topic a little more when we talk about the  Liberty Jail experience.



Understanding Lehi's Dream

In 2007 something kind of awesome happened.  There were 3  Devotional/Fireside talks  given back to back one month after another....on Lehi's Dream.  Coincidental??  I think not!

• Lehi's Dream and You - President Boyd K. Packer, BYU Devotional given January 16, 2007
• Reservoir of Living Water-Elder David A. Bednar CES Fireside, given February 4, 2007
• Hold Fast to the Words of the Prophets - Elder Neil L.Anderson CES Fireside given March 4 2007

Interesting don't you think that all three randomly inspired, chose to speak on the same topic?  Here is what Elder Anderson said prior to giving his CES Fireside talk.

"I want to tell you of the Lord’s guiding hand in our meeting tonight. During the early days of January I worked to organize and outline what I would present to you. Knowing that Elder David A. Bednar was scheduled to speak to you in February, I asked him if he had finalized the subject he would address.

I was taken aback when he responded that his talk was about holding fast to the iron rod. It was the exact title I had chosen for my talk. The choir was already practicing this beautiful number that they have just shared with us.

As Elder Bednar and I discussed the messages we had prepared, it was evident that we had approached the subject differently. Elder Bednar thought for a moment and said: “The Lord loves the young adults of the Church. There is purpose in this. This is a message the Lord wants delivered.” I determined to proceed.

Then, just a week later and before Elder Bednar’s talk, President Boyd K. Packer, Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, gave a BYU devotional address he entitled Lehi’s Dream and You.  He too included in his talk what it means to hold fast to the iron rod.

My brothers and sisters, this is a subject the Lord wants you to think about."-Elder Anderson
 

That was six years ago, and I can't stop thinking about these talks.  Here are some significant highlights :

"You may think that Lehi’s dream or vision has no special meaning for you, but it does. You are in it; all of us are in it." -President Packer

 

"At your baptism and confirmation, you took hold of the iron rod.  But you are never safe. It is after you have partaken of that fruit that your test will come. " -President Packer

(Lehi's dream refers to members of the Church)

 

"The mist of darkness will cover you at times so much that you will not be able to see your way even a short distance ahead. You will not be able to see clearly. But you can feel your way. With the gift of the Holy Ghost, you can feel your way ahead through life. Grasp the iron rod, and do not let go. Through the power of the Holy Ghost, you can feel your way through life"-President Packer

 

"Largely because of television, instead of looking over into that spacious building, we are, in effect, living inside of it. That is your fate in this generation. You are living in that great and spacious building." -President Packer

____________________________________________________________________



 

 

• "Father Lehi saw several groups of people pressing forward along the strait and narrow path, seeking to obtain the tree and its fruit.
• The members of each group had entered onto the path through the gate of repentance and baptism by water and had received the gift of the Holy Ghost (see 2 Nephi 31:17–20)
•  The tree of life is the central feature in the dream and is identified in 1 Nephi 11 as a representation of Jesus Christ.
• The fruit on the tree is a symbol for the blessings of the Savior’s Atonement.

 Interestingly, the major theme of the Book of Mormon, inviting all to come unto Christ, is central in Lehi’s vision. Of particular interest is the rod of iron that led to the tree (see 1 Nephi 8:19). The rod of iron is the word of God.

• Group 1: Baptized members of the Church, as soon as the "mists of darkness" came they were gone.  No mention of the rod of iron. 1 Nephi 8:21-23

"Those who ignore or treat lightly the word of God do not have access to that divine compass which points the way to the Savior. "-Elder Bednar

• Group 2: "Clingers" This group pressed forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree. When they were mocked by the members of the great and spacious building, they were ashamed and fell away into forbidden paths and were lost. Please notice that this group is described as clinging to the rod of iron. 1 Nephi 8: 24-28

"Clinging to the rod of iron suggests to me only occasional “bursts” of study or irregular dipping rather than consistent, ongoing immersion in the word of God." -Elder Bednar

• Group 3 "Held Fast":  Members of the Church who "held fast" to the rod of iron continually pressing forward until they reached the tree.we read about a third group of people who pressed forward continually holding fast to the rod of iron until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree. The key phrase in this verse is “continually holding fast” to the rod of iron. 1 Nephi 8: 30 No mention of them wandering off or getting lost.

 "Perhaps this third group of people consistently read and studied and searched the words of Christ. Perhaps it was the constant flow of living water that saved the third group from perishing. This is the group you and I should strive to join." -Elder Bednar

 

• Group 4 :  Probably not members of the Church-people who did not even come to the path but went straight for the great and spacious building

"Are you and I daily reading, studying, and searching the scriptures in a way that enables us to hold fast to the rod of iron—or are you and I merely clinging? Are you and I pressing forward toward the fountain of living waters—relying upon the word of God? These are important questions for each of us to ponder prayerfully."

______________________________________________

 

"The iron rod is the word of God. I like to think of it in this way:

 

The word of God contains three very strong elements that intertwine and sustain one another to form an immovable rod.

 

These three elements include, first, the scriptures, or the words of the ancient prophets."

The second element of the word of God is the personal revelation and inspiration that comes to us through the Holy Ghost

 

... the third element, a critical addition intertwining with the other two...the words of the living prophets. We must also hold fast to the word of God as delivered by the living prophets."  -Elder Anderson

 

 

 

These are all must read talks that I will include in my LDS Talks tab for quick reference.  These are significant talks given by living prophets and apostles, each inspired to teach in a three month period..back to back on the principles of Lehi's Dream.  Just as President Packer taught, it applies to you and me.

 

 Next post will be a more in-depth study of the groups spoken of by Elder Bednar. Stay tuned!!

The Order of Obedience

We had our first four children in three years.  It was a feat that few can accomplish.  We had twins which doubled things up pretty fast. I remember waiting for the birth of our twins, and realizing how out numbered my husband and I would be with our little family and knowing that above all, we needed to have order. 

Prior to their births, I prayed many times that the Lord would show me how to have a family with order. I knew my sanity and happiness depended on it. I started training myself to be more orderly, and started teaching my children some basic principles.

My first realization from the Lord was to teach obedience.  Obedience comes in  steps or layers, especially when they are very young. They can't be expected to do step 3 if they haven't mastered step 1.  If they do, and you allow it, the order is lost, and no principles are taught.

For example, one of our first steps when they were little bitty, was to stay in our own yard to play.  This was very important to me, that they learn to obey this first instruction.  I felt if they can't obey the first rule to stay in our own yard to play, then they can't go to a friends house to play.  That was one of the first obedience steps that we had in our home.

Another obedience step as they got older was that they have to contribute to the family. They are expected to keep their room clean and do other house jobs.  If those things aren't done, then they can't enjoy other privileges  like going and playing with friends.  It has just become a basic order of obedience in our family.

Obedience may seem or feel redundant to some. It is following the little things.  It is about not excusing ourselves from the rules no matter who they come from.  There is a measure of sacrifice that  goes with it.  Both from the parents to stand by it and to teach it, and for the youth or children to follow it.

We have learned as a family, that obedience is the first law of heaven, and with it brings great happiness, peace, and blessings.

There were two great talks this past General Conference on obedience.  One was from Elder L. Tom Perry Obedience to Law is Liberty and the other from President Monson Obedience Brings Blessings.  I would encourage you to read these two talks. They are excellent.

Obedience is an eternal principle of God.  With it comes strength and great blessings.

 “The happiness of the Latter-day Saints, the peace of the Latter-day Saints, the progress of the Latter-day Saints, the prosperity of the Latter-day Saints, and the eternal salvation and exaltation of this people lie in walking in obedience to the counsels of … God.”

"Obedience is a hallmark of prophets; it has provided strength and knowledge to them throughout the ages. It is essential for us to realize that we, as well, are entitled to this source of strength and knowledge. It is readily available to each of us today as we obey God’s commandments"

"...the great test of this life is obedience. “We will prove them herewith,” said the Lord, “to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.”-Obedience Brings Blessings.

I especially love the middle quote that we can have what the prophets have--- through obedience. Obedience is the hallmark of their lives and we are also entitled to that same strength and that same knowledge. We are all God's children, and He wants us to be obedient.  I really love that.

"In Doctrine and Covenants 130 we read:

“There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—

“And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated” (D&C 130:20–21).

Surely there could not be any doctrine more strongly expressed in the scriptures than the Lord’s unchanging commandments and their connection to our happiness and well-being as individuals, as families, and as a society. There are moral absolutes. Disobedience to the Lord’s commandments will always deprive us of His blessings. These things do not change.

In a world where the moral compass of society is faltering, the restored gospel of Jesus Christ never wavers, nor should its stakes and wards, its families, or its individual members. We must not pick and choose which commandments we think are important to keep but acknowledge all of God’s commandments. We must stand firm and steadfast, having perfect confidence in the Lord’s consistency and perfect trust in His promises.

May we ever be a light on the hill, an example in keeping the commandments, which have never changed and will never change.- Obedience to Law is Liberty

Have a great day!