Good, Better, Best in Motherhood

Alyssa is in the middle

This week we have added in two new activities. Our daughter Alyssa who is just ending her Cross-Country running season, started piano lessons today, and starts the high school swim team tomorrow.  She is a Freshman in High School and the girl is busting with talents.

Many times she has to choose between several good things.  That can sometimes be the hardest choice.  What do you choose?  What do you leave out? They are all good.

She really wanted to be in the Jr. High play.  Really badly.  It is all she has talked about since the last play she was in. She has always liked to be up in front of others.  She also has been waiting for 2 years to join the High School Swim Team.  If that wasn't enough, Alyssa also decided she needed to up her expertise on the piano by taking lessons from a hard teacher.  OK!  All good, right!

With all the good choices in front of her, we had to help her choose the BEST choice for the BEST reasons. 

It was hard.

There were tears.

There was heart ache at leaving one choice behind, but feeling good at choosing another.

The question arises:

How involved do we allow our children to be in extra activities?

What do we consider too much?

Here is my checklist:

• Do I feel like this is right for them,  and our family?
• Do they have a true gift?
• Do we have enough money in our monthly budget to incorporate this expense?
• Does their activity schedule make sense for our family?
• Is there benefits involved like, scholarships, part-time jobs, building self-esteem?
• Is this strengthening our family?
• Is it strengthening them?

 If I have to answer no to any of those points, then we need to re-evaluate our purpose and priorities.

As mothers, we all want to see our children excel and do well in life. We want to give them every opportunity we can.  We want to see them reach their full potential! 

What is good? What is better, and What is the best?

Elder Oaks talk: Good, Better, Best is a must read talk about establishing priorities and purpose with all that the choices and activities we have in families.


He states:

"We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them."

"In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best."

"The amount of children-and-parent time absorbed in the good activities of private lessons, team sports, and other school and club activities also needs to be carefully regulated. Otherwise, children will be over scheduled, and parents will be frazzled and frustrated. Parents should act to preserve time for family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and the other precious togetherness and individual one-on-one time that binds a family together and fixes children’s values on things of eternal worth. Parents should teach gospel priorities through what they do with their children. "

A paragraph from The Family: A Proclamation to the World resembles this above statement:

"Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations."

Soul-searching questions for parents:

• Are my child's extra-curricular activities  for me so I can "fit in" with the motherly trends of the day?
• Do they want to do this?
• Am I doing this so my child will be popular? 
• Is there anything about this choice that I have to keep secret from my husband? [like the total cost, uniform cost, expenses for out of town trips]  I would encourage  you to stay up front about all of it, before signing up.
• Is the atmosphere, of the activity or peers they will associate with, where I want my child to be?
• In 10 years will this be a positive experience and memory? Will I have any regrets?
• Is this bringing us to Christ now?

Choosing between many good things, is one of the hardest choices we have! 

 

My twins and two of their friends feeling pretty happy!

The List

I realized today that I no longer have to remind my two youngest, Ashley and Jamee to make their bed

because they have their "list"

yes that does say "get brest" hopefully you can see the correction in orange pen to "drest"

They don't need me to remind them anymore, they just check their "list" to see what they have to do next.  Then they give themselves a sticker! 

My work is essentially done.

It is a great plan until they lose "the list"  which could very well happen after school today. 

Until then, I am going to enjoy this.

A Handbook for our Dad

AS  most of you know, my husband is a little out-numbered in our family.    The first inclination for most of you, is to immediately feel sorry for him.  He has heard the comment about going to the mountains once a month-more times than we can count.  I am pretty sure he feels rather special to be the only man in the house and relishes in having 8 daughters.

He always has someone to scratch his back, rub his feet, get him a drink....etc.  So don't feel sorry for him. On the other side, he is not a passive father sitting on the couch.  He does plenty for them and is very involved in their lives. He is a great spiritual leader in our home and the biggest kid in the house.

 He also has had a lot of great ideas in raising our girls, that have been special things he has done just for them. One example is when they turn 16, he takes them on their first date.  It is a big one.  He buys them plane tickets and they fly in an airplane for their first time, to Washinton DC.  We have family there, so it works out well.  They have a great Daddy-daughter date touring DC for a few days.   I have to say, he is a great father and is very protective of his daughters.

There have been times, however, when things haven't gone so smoothly.   The  emotional levels at our house can get a little high.  Richard has been trying very hard for the past 20 years to figure out what to say and what not to say to the girls.  Unfortuntely, there have been a few train wreck experiences on that journey. Little comments like, "is that your hair for today?"  or "so, you are going to wear THAT dress?"  don't go ever very well, and he doesn't know why or how to say it differently. Of coarse, given the right set of circumstances, he could say "you look nice" when they feel their ugliest, and he still loses. He has learned sometimes it is best not to say anything.

 Our oldest daughter, no doubt, has had the most experiences since she has been around the longest out of all her sisters.

So in order to help him out, she made him a hand-book in dealing with his daughters.  This was for his birthday about 3 years ago.   It still  remains one of his most treasured gifts that he still refers to.  I thought it was great so I decided to share it with you.  Here it is:

_______________________________________________________________

The Good and Correct Way to Deal With Emotional Girls

For all men who just don't know what to do when a girl starts crying

Written By Amber Rust

with help from her sisters

What is the correct and proper way to approach a crying girl?

A. Yell at them and tell them to stop

B. Coos and cuddles them and talks to them like they are 2

C. Run for the hills

D. It really matters on the situation

The best answer it probably D.  You never know how a girl is going to act so just always be on your guard

_________________________________________________________________

If a girl is angry and it looks like she can not be stopped, what is the good and proper way to handle this?

A. Yell at her and tell her to grow-up.

B. Give her "the eye"

C. Back away very slowly and get out of there as quickly as possible

D. Let her yell and get out it out because if she doesn't it will just build up.

In this circumstance many would want to choose C, but the answer is D.

When girls are angry they just want to get it out so let them.

____________________________________________________________

When a girl is giggling and can't be stopped,

 what is the good and proper way to handle this?

A. Yell at her and tell her to stop
B.  Back away slowly and pretend that she is not giggling
C.  Giggle with her and joke around with her
D. Leave her alone, she's probably "in love"

The correct answer for this would be C or D.  She is in a good mood, don't put her in a bad one.  It is common nature for a girl to giggle.  We don't know why we just do.

_______________________________________________

What is the good and proper way to deal with a sad girl

A. Yell at her and tell her to be happy

B. Ignore her and pretend that absolutely nothing is wrong

C. Leave the room as quickly as possible without making too much noise

D. Ask her what is wrong, and listen to her

The answer is D. 

When a girl is sad she just wants someone to care enough to ask.  She might say no at first, but she just wants to see if you really care.

_________________________________________________________________

What is the good and proper way to deal with happy girls?

Well Dad you already know this answer because you do it everyday! 

We all love you and appreciate everything you do for us.

Young Women Who Know

Teaching our young women to be Young Women Who Know

Using Julie B. Beck's landmark talk, Mothers Who Know, the same principles that were taught to us as mothers, can be used and applied in teaching our young women to be strong in who they are right now, and prepare them for their future roles as righteous wives and mothers.

Throughout the talk, where ever you see the word "mother", you can insert the words "young women"

Daughter Journals

The journals I bought for my Daughter Journals

I have been writing in a journal since I was 8 years old

It is fun and embarrassing to go back and look at my crazy handwriting and laugh at the ridiculous things I wrote about. 

I have completely forgotten most of the things I journaled about way back then--and actually even 5 years ago.  

I have gone to my journals many times to look up information or details of something I have forgotten about. It has been really nice to have them.

The other day I actually caught my girls laughing hysterically with one of my journals in their hand.
It was one of those moments you think about happening when you are keeping a  journal, and you kind of hope doesn't happen.

The idea of writing a journal for my children came from Linda Eyre. I loved that idea...especially since I already enjoyed journaling.

I went out and bought 5 small-sized, hard-backed journals and started journaling my daughters lives. {see the above picture}

Basically, you start off writing about the day they were born, or even before that--feelings and thoughts you had while you were expecting them.  When I was pregnant, I had a lot of feelings going on about this child who was joining our family.  

I began this journey when I had 5 children, so I had some catch up. But if you don't want to do catch up, I would at least journal all your memories of their birth, then go from there.

Then, write all those cute things they do or funny things they say or interesting things they have done.  Keep it simple and journal about mundane things of their lives-from your perspective as their mother.  Keep it upbeat and positive.  Several of my journal entries  are just letters I write to them on that particular day-kind of my thoughts and feelings.

How often to write?  It is definitely not a daily or even weekly journal for me. I have had my times of writing very regularly, and times of so much business, they sat on the shelf.  I figure, this is one of those choice things I am doing for my children which will make a mark and difference in their lives, so I try to write in it monthly....something they said or what they are going through right now, or special feelings I feel for them as a mother. 

As I write, it helps me keep their lives in the proper perspective. To know that everything they are and whatever they are going through is unique to who they are and they are truly daughters of God, and He has a purpose for their lives. It reminds me that I am just here to guide them through it all.

One last note: Daughter Journals are off -limits for my girls  until they are married or have grown up and left the house for good.  I plan on giving it to them at that time. They all know I am doing this, and are already wringing their hands, anxious to have them.