Best Marriage Advice Ever

Before I was married, my wise mother sat me down and gave me the best advice

I have ever received about marriage:

4 Ways to Have a Happy Husband

Happy Husband #1: Keep the Cave Clean

We wives really underestimate how important this is to our husbands. They may not say it, but oh, how they love a home that has order. When they come home from work and the house is a place of chaos both physically and spiritually...they feel that stress and it adds an extra burden to their shoulders.

This does not mean that our homes have to be perfect, or that we have to do all the work ourselves. Keeping the house clean is kind of family project. For the most part, this is something we can all strive to make run smoothly, and to not give up after a few bad experiences.

I realize that some women are offended at this suggestion, and I don't mean to offend anyone. But, you must know, a husband is a happy husband who comes home to order not chaos.

I worked at our local temple for about a year in the housekeeping department. Basically we cleaned the temple before it got dirty. A little different concept than our homes. There were nights when we were super busy and could only get done the bare minimum of cleaning. That happens at home too...a lot. On those busy days at the temple, if we got nothing else done, we would empty garbages, do bathrooms, and vacuum. That covered it for that night.

I have implemented that into my home as well, although I have added a few others.

• Beds made
  
• Dishes done
  
• Laundry
  
• garbages
  
• vacuuming
  
• bathrooms
  
• de-clutter


That may sound like a lot still, but they are the basics.

First off, have you ever gone into a home that smells badly? This is embarrassing for both the homeowner and the visitor. You want to eliminate those sources that can cause odor in your homes. Many times, we get very used to the smells in our home, and don't realize  our home may stink!

 Dirty dishes, dirty laundry, un-flushed toilets, and dirty garbages can make a home smell. So if you don't have time for anything else, take care of the smelly things first!

Next, there are just a few tricks that make a house look cleaner than it may be. A made bed does wonders to make a bedroom look cleaner. I always tell my kids to make their beds FIRST when they are cleaning. This makes them feel like great progress is being made because their room looks clean with just the bed made.  A vacuumed floor also is another trick, that makes the room look 5 times cleaner just because it is vacuumed.

 At  the end of the night if we can just go through and de-clutter a little, it helps keep the house looking and feeling cleaner. Plus you will wake up in the morning and not feel like you are already behind. Going to bed with at least a semi-organized house is the best!

A clean house radiates a spirit all on it's own. Have you ever noticed how your children love to play in a clean area? Cleanliness really is next to Godliness and you can feel that when you take the time to keep your house in order.

Striving to have a basically clean home, and a sense of order in your home will do wonders for your marriage, the spirit in you home, and peace in yours and your husband's hearts.

Happy Husband #2: Love Him

When it comes to loving our husbands the most important point to remember is that they need to be loved. 

Love them when you wake up, love them when they come home, be grateful when they call you, be grateful for all the ways they take care of you, notice all the hard work they do for you and the family, let them know how wonderful they are, and love them frequently.

We don't read minds well, and so you have to tell them who awesome they are, and be specific. You know what you love about your spouse and the many small thoughtful things they do for you all day--tell them! Then sit back and watch them glow with pride and want to do anything and everything for you.  It will happen.  Make them feel like they are worth a million bucks-because they are!

When they come home after work, let coming home be pleasant for them. When they walk in the door, don't shove the kids at them and tell them"I have had it,.... now it is your turn!" I am sure they are more than willing to help out and take any burdens off of your shoulders, but it is all in the approach. Greet them with a hug, a kiss, and a smile. We have a tradition in our marriage, that when my husband comes home we get 5 minutes interrupted in our room with the door shut to talk about the day. Our kids know this is part of the routine when my husband comes home, and they expect it to happen.

Don't keep score.  "I got up the last three nights..." etc. Care for you husband. Be nice to him. He'll return the favor. It will make your marriage sweet if you don't keep score.

Nurture your husbands. They can do our job and can do everything for themselves. That is not the point. It brings love into your relationship when you nurture your husbands. Another word might be-serve. This doesn't take away from you, it makes you more whole. It is a loving thing to do...take care of them. Make them feel wanted, needed, and nurtured.

Happy Husband # 3 Feed Him

Our husbands like food, and want to eat good tasting food on a regular basis.  All of  our husbands are different in what they like to eat..but they all want to eat.  So feed them!

Happy Husband #4 Stay Attractive

I have seen this happen: Women get married and stop dressing nicely, stop doing their hair, stop wearing make-up (if they wore it when they dated) and let themselves go. They pretty much stop doing all the things they did to attract their husbands to them to start with.

A husband wants to show you off, and wants to feel good about himself. This has a lot to do with our appearance. He wants YOU to look good. I know it may not seem fair, but it is true.

  Men are visual, and staying attractive effects how they feel about us [and how they feel about themselves.]   Some of it, we can't help. Hormones, diseases, genetics can do cruel things to our bodies. A caring loving husband will love us in spite of our imperfections and vice versa. But it is still good advice to make every effort to stay attractive to our husbands.

Smile. Be positive. Don't be high maintenance. Strive to better yourselves. Be someone interesting to talk to.  Make his happiness your top priority. And just watch, he'll do the same.

These time-less truths may sound old-fashioned , but if you follow them, you will have a happy husband who will look to you as his greatest strength, and the love of his life.







Marriage and Family: Eternally Significant

Marriage is one of my favorite topics to talk about. If I could have my dream job without all the schooling to get there, I would love to be a family or marriage counselor.  I love to help others in their relationships to be happy and successful.  

 I look around me and have seen several close friends who are struggling in their marriages or whose marriages have failed.  There seems to be this epidemic going around! 

To be honest, it scares me! All of these families are no different than ours and those marriages seem very equal to our marriage.  The realization that if this happened to them, it can happen to us.  It really can happen to anyone.

We must nurture our marriages and our families!   They matter so very much!   

Last week I was so privileged to be apart of a World Wide Training session via satellite, for all auxiliary leaders in our church.  Two hours f-l-e-w by as we were taught by prophets, apostles and other church leaders.

I feel such a great LOVE for these brethren and sisters who are instruments of the Saviors work here on the earth.  The Church is so true!  That is what I felt over and over again while I watched.

I was so happy to go on to lds.org and see that they have the World Wide Training available for everyone to listen, read, or download.  Go  {Here} for that link.

Elder Russell M. Nelson

I love Elder Russell M. Nelson.  He spoke about marriage and family.  That seems to be a topic he feels strongly about and speaks of often.  We had a Stake Conference last October via satellite, and he gave a great talk there on marriage.  He is so cute with his wife Wendy. 

You can go {here} to read his talk in its entirety.  I am going to highlight a few key points that he spoke on:

"In the Church, we stress the significance of marriage, children, and the family because we know the doctrine. And we, as leaders of the Church, know that the adversary incessantly aims attacks at the family. In the past 50 years the birth rate has dropped in nearly every nation of the world. Marriages are being postponed until later in life, and families are getting smaller, even in the Church."

"Our task to defend the family is not an easy one. Trends in the world diminish the significance of the family. Sadly, the sacred powers of procreation are desecrated by many people. And the divinely designed nature of marital intimacy is tarnished by the addictive, pernicious, and poisonous plague of pornography."

"In reality, we are raising our children in enemy-occupied territory. The homes of our members must become the primary sanctuaries of our faith, where each can be safe from the sins of the world."

"Our Master depends upon us to live according to His truth. Please teach our members that marriage is ordained of God. It is doctrinally based and eternally significant. " (he said this in very strong tones) 

"Three times in sacred scripture the warning is made that “the whole earth would be utterly wasted” at the Lord’s return if certain conditions were not in place (see D&C 2:3; 138:48; Joseph Smith—History 1:39). In each instance, that warning relates to the condition of the human family without the sealing ordinances of the temple. Without these ordinances of exaltation, the purposes of creation would not be realized. "

"Teach that family relationships start with the love of a husband for his wife, and of a wife for her husband. Marriage brings two very different and imperfect people together. Husbands and wives deal with their imperfections best with patience and a sense of humor. Each should stand ready to say, “I’m sorry! Please forgive me.” And each should be a peacemaker." ( I thought that was a powerful statement.  We should both be peacemakers.  Alot of marital arguments can be nipped in the bud if we both seek to be peacemakers.)

"Each personal imperfection is an opportunity to change—to repent. Repentance, at any age, provides needed progress. It leads to a mighty change of heart, which leads to a love of God and your neighbor, especially that neighbor to whom you are married. Repentance includes forgiveness, and forgiveness is a commandment. The Lord said, “I … will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:10). When repentance is complete, you even forgive yourself."

"Differences of opinion occur between husband and wife. But one’s objective in marriage is never to win an argument, but to build an eternal relationship of love.

Marriage is sanctified by family prayer morning and night and daily scripture study. Marriage is stabilized by careful financial planning, avoiding debt, and living within a budget with willing obedience to the Lord’s law of tithing. Marriage is energized by making prime time together. Marriage is protected by an absolute commitment to make it successful." (this is worth reading carefully)

"Remind each married bearer of the priesthood that his highest duty is to care for his wife. She enables him to qualify for his greatest blessings. And when the children leave the nest, a husband and his wife will have each other in what can be a wonderful and exciting phase of life together."

"Teach that parenting is a joint venture. The father exercises his leadership with light and love, never in any degree of unrighteousness. The mother provides the intuition, the inspiration, and the nurture that come from her so naturally." (how beautifully said!)

The Family is Ordained of God

"I believe in the family where there is a husband who regards his companion as his greatest asset and treats her accordingly; 

Where there is a wife who looks upon her husband as her anchor and strength...

The cultivation of such a home requires effort and energy, forgiveness and patience, love, and endurance and sacrifice; but it is worth all of these and more."- Gordon B. Hinckley

This quote was found on the back of an Ensign magazine.  I don't know the date.  I framed it and it has hung in my bedroom for years.  I love this and aspire to have that kind of marriage and family.

It is much like the marriage and family values described in The  Family: A Proclamation to the World:

"The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

Here is the talk President Hinckley gave when he announced The Family: A Proclamation to the World: {Stand Strong Against the Wiles of the World}

A Powerful People

"God wants a powerful people"

Sheri Dew, God Wants a Powerful People

 He needs "mothers who know" and he needs exemplary fathers, and sons and daughters who are being raised up "to know".

 He needs husbands and wives who have not just "been to the temple"...but who "go to the temple".

 He needs pure, righteous, obedient people, who both qualify for and have access to the gift and power of the Holy Ghost and the priesthood. 

He needs a people who don't just own scriptures, and carry them to church in designer scripture totes, but a people who READ them, study them and live by them. 
In other words, He needs a people who know, that they know, that they know
{ see this talk:Knowing that We Know}

We can be that people. And the temple has a lot to do with it. Here is a great scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 109: 22 which is part of the Kirtland Temple Dedication, but applies so much to us today.

 22 And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them;

Those who go to the temple, come away surrounded, armed, and protected!  Who wouldn't want an angel to have charge over them?! 

Through the temple we can become the powerful people God wants us to be.

What Abraham wanted

Have you ever stopped to think about Abraham?


It may sound a little strange, but I actually do. 

I really like interesting and powerful people and trying to understand what is behind their *greatness* 

Abraham was one of the greatest  to have ever lived.



I read this scripture the other day.  I don't ever remember really understanding this verse before, but the other day...all the dots started crossing....and it-made-sense!  {my own thoughts are in red}

Abraham 1:2 "And, finding there was greater ^ahappiness and peace and rest for me, I sought for the blessings of the fathers, [Abraham's fathers were Adam, Seth, Moses,etc]  and the right [the priesthood] whereunto I should be ordained to administer the same [ to have the sealing power] having been myself a follower of ^brighteousness, desiring also to be one who possessed great ^cknowledge, and to be a greater follower of righteousness, and to possess a greater knowledge, and to be a father of many ^dnations

["That blessing only comes to those who have a temple sealing and marriage. You cannot be a father of many nations without a wife that you are sealed to. He could not hold the right belonging to the fathers without a wife who had the rights belonging to the mothers."Julie Beck , Teaching the Doctrine of the Family]

a prince of peace, and ^edesiring to receive instructions,[temples] and to keep the commandments of God, I became a rightful heir, a ^fHigh Priest, holding the right belonging to the fathers."[the sealing power that binds families together forever]

This is getting kind of deep, stay with me for a minute....

You cannot be "a father of many nations" without a righteous wife who also wants those blessings-who seeks for the blessings that Eve wanted, the formation of an eternal family.

 Without the  family, there is no plan and there is no purpose.

Elder Robert D. Hales said this about marriage:“The family is not an accident of mortality. It existed as an organizational unit in the heavens before the world was formed; historically, it started on earth with Adam and Eve, as recorded in Genesis. Adam and Eve were married and sealed for time and all eternity by the Lord, and as a result their family will exist  eternally”

Back to Abraham and Isaac...

Interesting fact: Abraham had two sons literally, but only one son, Isaac,  that had the birthright to the "blessing of Abraham" Ishmael was the son of Abraham's servant/wife, Hagar, and there is no birthright blessing attached to him.

I wonder if Abraham layed in bed at night and wondered 'how am I supposed to be "the father of many nations with only one son??

Because Isaac had the birthright, how important was his choice of wife?

It was VITAL

He had to choose the right one.  He had to choose someone who understood the plan and would willingly take part in becoming a mother and desire to form an eternal family with him.

In essence, isn't that what we should all desire?

I love the story of Isaac and Rebekah.

  Isaac sent his servant to go, with the help of the Lord  and find his wife. His servant went with prayer and saught the Spirit in helping him to recognize who she was. When he recognized her as "the one", she also must have felt that this was her call, because she willingly went.

Rebekah was blessed by her brothers and father, to be the mother of "thousands of millions" (see Genesis 24 )

I think to my own life, and realize these are the blessing I have always  saught for.  This is all I have ever wanted-a righteous eternal family.  I had 8 children because I wanted what Abraham, Isaac, and Rebekah wanted.  I have always dreamed of having a large righteous posterity.

Becoming a mother has been the best decision I have ever made besides of coarse...

who I married.