Friday, April 27, 2012

Proclamation Series: Romance Novels



Last week on my Family Proclamation on Friday series I wrote a post  called What if There Was No Such Thing as Pornography?  It is a subject I feel very strongly about and will keep writing about in the future.

Men are more visual. Women are more emotional.

Today is part 2 :  this is for the women and can become what some call emotional pornography. Romance novels can be steamy, full of sexual innuendos, painting a very passionate scene in our minds and hearts. A scene that could become addictive in nature.  Much like pornography it's intent is to stir up feelings that should be reserved for our husbands  in our marriage.  It can become a secret part of our lives..indulging in this on the side.  "It is just a book", "it is just a love story", may be what we tell ourselves as we indulge like it was our favorite chocolate caramel sundae.

 I received this great comment after my pornography post:

'I think women also need to be aware of a danger that many of us are bringing unwittingly into our homes. What I like to call "emotional pornography." Books and movies that have romantic plots, however nonsexual (though usually they aren't), are driving us away from our husbands and families. From our husbands because we imagine we're with a character when we should be focused on being with him and we compare him to fictional characters he could never measure up to. And from our families because I see an astonishing number of mothers spending their hours in books and movies and out of reality instead of engaging with their families. It's scary."
First of all, I love a good chic flick as we call it at our house. A good CLEAN romance story can be a lot of fun. I love "You've Got Mail", "Ever After", "While You Were Sleeping" among many others. "The Sound of Music"  is one of the greatest love stories ever.   I do get caught up in the characters when I watch them, which is part of the fun.

 Although any movie, or story that has a romance attached to it is especially appealing to us women. This is our trigger. My teenage daughters can find interest in any book if the author brings a romance into it. We also could all sit down and share with each other how we met our husbands and fell in love with each other. This would be a very fun riveting conversation! We love it! Romance in a story is good, can be righteous, creates a feeling in us to strive for a better relationship with our spouses.

The steamy romance novels are a different story.  I call them passion on the pages. The front covers of the book are enough by themselves.  The women are busty and with flowing dresses hanging off of them. The men are muscular and drooping all of the women.  You know if you open those pages you are in for something you probably shouldn't be delving into. 

I do not read  romance novels specifically. I don't need that kind of emotional baggage complicating my life.  We do get involved in the characters and if you don't want that character to be you, even for a few days, then it is best not to read it. 

Years ago, I picked up an LDS based romance novel at the library.  I had never read any type of LDS romance book series and I secretly wondered if I had been missing out on something great since so many friends were reading the series. I picked up the first book I found on the shelf and read the inside jacket cover summary. The book was about "a women who was happily married, then suddenly her long lost love from her past came into the picture.  She was torn between her husband and her past love. "

 I shut the book... and thought "I don't need this in my life"  I have no idea if the story resolved itself and the right thing happened in the end.  I decided I don't need those kinds of feelings running through my mind at any point, on any day.

 Marriage IS ordained of God.  We must be completely faithful.  This includes being very protective of the movies and books we bring into our homes and into our hearts.



In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it says:

"...marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children."
"The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife."
"The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.." 
More reading on this subject:
A Look at Popular Romance Novels

Addicted to Romance Novels?

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Testimony Plants


How is your testimony today?

Have you made the effort to feed and nurture its growth?

Is it beautiful 

Alive

Growing

Strengthening

and bringing conviction and purpose
to your life

 as well as building

others?




Or does it feel like this...?

 

Hasn't seen food, light, or water in the past while.... or longer

Is it

Struggling

thirsty

and

dried up?

If you feel your testimony is more like the dried up plant,
then today is the day to get back on track.


Make some goals of when and how long you will read your scriptures
and try a scripture feast

Strive to pray more, making your prayers more meaningful and heartfelt.

Serve others.

WE can do it!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Chore Charts

I could seriously write a book on all the different chore charts we have used in our house over the years. 

When my oldest ones were little bitty and couldn't read yet, I came up with their first chore chart that involved pictures of each job.

Then we had the circle/dial chore chart which we used the most, which I would show a picture of except we no longer own one.  You cut two circles-one larger than the other.  Secure it with a brass brad so it will spin.  On the outside is the chores and the inside the name of your children and divide the circle up like a pizza.  It works great and the kids like spinning it around each day to the next job.


For a project  my daughter  made a family chore chart...

The front row is "To Do" and  the back row is  "Done" 



It seems all the chore charts are as effective as I am at reminding them to look at it.  The younger ones seem more motivated than the older ones.  That is probably just because the older ones have been hearing me longer...'don't forget to do your job'  I am now slightly tuned out...

Although when they were younger and I was training them on "how" to clean, I painstakingly went through each job, each day, so they would know what I expected in a clean bathroom, clean bedroom, etc.

It is easy, and the lazy-parent way out to tell them to just "go clean...." so you can get something else done.  Trust me,  I have been that parent from time to time.  It really does pay huge dividends for you later, if you make the sacrifice and teach them, and work beside them so they know what clean is and what you expect.  Make sure to be loving. No one likes to get yelled at.
 
 

I  have to say, the best chore chart we have used has been the POINT SYSTEM.  This chart requires less of me harping and reminding and more of them taking personal responsibility.  It is a WIN/WIN.

I did not create this, but have since lost track of where I learned this from.  It is a great idea, and many have had great success with it.

It is a system of work=reward.  It is up to them what rewards they get based on their work.  It is real life at home.  You can use it for house-hold chores ...and behavior.  I told you it was a WIN/WIN!

  • Make up a list of your child's responsibilities...and behavior problems that may have become an issue.
  •  Assign each responsibility and behavior points/more points for the hardest ones
  • Make a list of rewards from daily ones like playing with a friend, screen time, special snack...
  • Add some long range rewards like a trip to the Rec Center, pizza party with friends, Disney Land...etc. Whatever is motivating for your child
Now they don't have to beg you to play with a friend, or get on the computer..etc.  All you have to say is "do you have enough points?"  The rest is up to them. 

They earn their privileges.  They are in control...and they like that!

  • Be creative according to your family's needs and personality
  • I use this mainly for the 12 and under, although it would work for any age


Here is an example of one I have made for my 8 year old
                                                                        
List
Points possible
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Total for week

Homework
2








Read -30 minutes
5








Math Facts
1


















Make Bed
2








Laundry put away
1








Closet clean
1








Dresser clean
1








Floor clean
1









Daily job
2








Book of Mormon-5 verses
1








Morning prayers
1








Bedtime prayers
1


















Piano 10 minutes
2


















Extra credit points









TOTAL POINTS
20


















Rewards









Play with friends
10








Screen Time
10








Pizza/Ice cream party
300








Rec Center
500