Family Scripture Study & Following the Prophet

Our family scripture study this past year has been PATHETIC

My only consolation is that I knew that our teenager group was reading on their own every night-because of Seminary (ya for Seminary!)

When our children were younger (non teenager-ish), family scripture study went pretty well.  We let everyone know what time it would be, and they obediently came and participated. 

 We started family scripture reading when our oldest, Amber, who is now 20, was just barely learning to read. She would read the easy words like: was, if, and it came to pass, etc.  We would help her say the bigger words like: nevertheless, stiffneckedness, and exceedingly. Reading scriptures was kind of a reading practice time.  For even the younger ones, we would tell them what to say and they would repeat us.

We then progressed to the point that everyone could read a little bit on their own without help...and we would try to explain what was going on in those verses.  Richard had to leave for work by 6:30, so we had family scripture study at 6:15 AM. 

 We decided that we needed to get everyone their very own Book of Mormon that was just for family scripture time. 

 

 We went and bought one Book of Mormon for everyone in our family. They were $3 a piece.

We then found a basket (the top picture) that fit them all in nicely and that became kind of our "thing" for family scripture study.

And as a family we were blessed for following the prophet...

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WELL....lately our family scripture hasn't been so shiny and so good.

My husband teaches early morning seminary and has to leave the house at 6:00 AM every morning.

Our older girls have part-time jobs, and are involved with high school sports where they are getting home very late some nights.  We have 2 college daughters living at home who work and have busy lives and  ask "do I still have to get up for family scriptures?"

We really struggled with our schedule and fitting family scriptures in.  A lot of the time it was me reading with the kids after Dad was already gone.  That was better than nothing...but not much better.

Even at that it was very hit and miss...and without the priesthood, our Dad, there...it really didn't feel the same.

We tried reading at night...I think we did it one time.  That didn't work for us because so many people were gone. It wasn't our normal tradition, and we kept forgetting.  (did I mention that it was pathetic?)

Without the consistency and power from daily family scripture study I noticed a lessening of the Spirit in our home.  I still felt it, but not as strong. 

We also felt that the shield around our family was becoming thinner. (that is a scary thought)

We all seemed more susceptible to temptations and the negative influences around us.

We have been counseled on the importance of having family scripture study.  We know the promises {See Gospel Outcomes},  and we know what we need to do!

We had to stop and ask ourselves a few personal questions:

       What is the most important thing in our lives?

  Are we putting God first?

What sacrifices are we willing to make[or need to make] to follow the Prophet?

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So we are starting over with reading the Book of Mormon as a family...with our Dad.
We are waking up at the bright and early hour of 5:45 AM to do that. 

We had a few grumpy attitudes this morning.  Surprisingly not from the teenager crowd, but our two youngest.  So before we started, we knelt down and had our family prayer.  Everyone grumbled about leaving their soft place on the couch and their blanket that they were half asleep in. After prayer, Richard went around the room and had everyone s-m-i-l-e.  That seemed to wake everyone up.

This morning in our family scripture study.... we bumped into this:

2 Nephi 2:11-12

11 Now this he spake because of the ^astiffneckedness of Laman and Lemuel; for behold they did ^bmurmur in many things against their ^cfather, because he was a ^dvisionary man, and had led them out of the land of Jerusalem, to leave the land of their inheritance, and their gold, and their silver, and their precious things, to perish in the wilderness. And this they said he had done because of the foolish imaginations of his heart.

12 And thus Laman and Lemuel, being the eldest, did murmur against their ^afather. And they did ^bmurmur because they ^cknew not the dealings of that God who had ^dcreated them.

Richard asked the girls:  What are you willing to do to follow the prophet?  Would you move if we were asked to?  Would you give up your precious things if that was required of you? Would you wake up at 5:45 AM to read the scriptures if that is what we needed to do?

I loved that insight and application into our personal situation.

What are we willing to do to follow the prophet?

A Handbook for our Dad

AS  most of you know, my husband is a little out-numbered in our family.    The first inclination for most of you, is to immediately feel sorry for him.  He has heard the comment about going to the mountains once a month-more times than we can count.  I am pretty sure he feels rather special to be the only man in the house and relishes in having 8 daughters.

He always has someone to scratch his back, rub his feet, get him a drink....etc.  So don't feel sorry for him. On the other side, he is not a passive father sitting on the couch.  He does plenty for them and is very involved in their lives. He is a great spiritual leader in our home and the biggest kid in the house.

 He also has had a lot of great ideas in raising our girls, that have been special things he has done just for them. One example is when they turn 16, he takes them on their first date.  It is a big one.  He buys them plane tickets and they fly in an airplane for their first time, to Washinton DC.  We have family there, so it works out well.  They have a great Daddy-daughter date touring DC for a few days.   I have to say, he is a great father and is very protective of his daughters.

There have been times, however, when things haven't gone so smoothly.   The  emotional levels at our house can get a little high.  Richard has been trying very hard for the past 20 years to figure out what to say and what not to say to the girls.  Unfortuntely, there have been a few train wreck experiences on that journey. Little comments like, "is that your hair for today?"  or "so, you are going to wear THAT dress?"  don't go ever very well, and he doesn't know why or how to say it differently. Of coarse, given the right set of circumstances, he could say "you look nice" when they feel their ugliest, and he still loses. He has learned sometimes it is best not to say anything.

 Our oldest daughter, no doubt, has had the most experiences since she has been around the longest out of all her sisters.

So in order to help him out, she made him a hand-book in dealing with his daughters.  This was for his birthday about 3 years ago.   It still  remains one of his most treasured gifts that he still refers to.  I thought it was great so I decided to share it with you.  Here it is:

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The Good and Correct Way to Deal With Emotional Girls

For all men who just don't know what to do when a girl starts crying

Written By Amber Rust

with help from her sisters

What is the correct and proper way to approach a crying girl?

A. Yell at them and tell them to stop

B. Coos and cuddles them and talks to them like they are 2

C. Run for the hills

D. It really matters on the situation

The best answer it probably D.  You never know how a girl is going to act so just always be on your guard

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If a girl is angry and it looks like she can not be stopped, what is the good and proper way to handle this?

A. Yell at her and tell her to grow-up.

B. Give her "the eye"

C. Back away very slowly and get out of there as quickly as possible

D. Let her yell and get out it out because if she doesn't it will just build up.

In this circumstance many would want to choose C, but the answer is D.

When girls are angry they just want to get it out so let them.

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When a girl is giggling and can't be stopped,

 what is the good and proper way to handle this?

A. Yell at her and tell her to stop
B.  Back away slowly and pretend that she is not giggling
C.  Giggle with her and joke around with her
D. Leave her alone, she's probably "in love"

The correct answer for this would be C or D.  She is in a good mood, don't put her in a bad one.  It is common nature for a girl to giggle.  We don't know why we just do.

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What is the good and proper way to deal with a sad girl

A. Yell at her and tell her to be happy

B. Ignore her and pretend that absolutely nothing is wrong

C. Leave the room as quickly as possible without making too much noise

D. Ask her what is wrong, and listen to her

The answer is D. 

When a girl is sad she just wants someone to care enough to ask.  She might say no at first, but she just wants to see if you really care.

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What is the good and proper way to deal with happy girls?

Well Dad you already know this answer because you do it everyday! 

We all love you and appreciate everything you do for us.

Showing Up for the Little Things

photo source

I am not a big fan of Halloween.  For the most part, I tolerate it.  It is cute, it is fun (I guess), but my happiest moment is November 1st-because it is O V E R! 

This year it is especially bad.  My husband usually out-trumps me in hating Halloween.  I think I have out-trumped him this year. 

The kids, of coarse, LOVE it...so I try to get in the mood to do all the [fun] traditions.


Today was the pumpkin carving contest at school.  This is the day parents and excited elementary age children can be seen carrying their prized creations in the school cafeteria to all be judged as the best in a variety of categories. They had been sending notices home for about 3 weeks, gearing us all up and trying to entice us to participate.   For the most part, I enjoy decorating pumpkins for the contest. Sometimes, I feel artsy-craftsy, and have fun trying to think of fun things to create out of the pumpkins. 

We have only won once, and that was the year we turned the pumpkin in to Cinderella's stagecoach.  We had Prince Charming driving the horse drawn carriage, as well as Barbie/Cinderella sitting inside, waving out the window. We  spray painted the pumpkin with gold shimmery glitter-the whole works. It was fun.

Today,  I feel I gave birth to 2 pumpkins.  I refer to it that way because of how hard it was and how much I wanted to be somewhere else doing anything different. Yesterday I got hit hard and fast with strep throat and  carving pumpkins was the LAST thing I wanted to do this morning.  There was  no artsy-craftsy creative juices flowing at all. My first and only thought was how can I pull this off with the smallest amount of effort?

 Our first pumpkin was in the shape of an apple, so  I let daughter # 7 paint it RED.  She loved every second of it.  We cut a hole, made The Hungry Little Caterpillar out of pipe-cleaners and pom-pom balls and called it done.  It sounds plain, and it was, but it did turn out rather cute.

Of coarse daughter #8, wanted me to C-A-R-V-E her pumpkin.  She didn't want [me] to take the easy way out. We have a book with pumpkin carving patterns, and I asked her to pick one...hoping she would pick the EASY one.  No, she picks the black-widow spider. Besides the fact that  I HATE spiders, this was the most difficult pattern in the book. 

I gave it my best effort, trying to carve the silly spider without cutting all the legs off in the wrong places.    The final product was good, and we were all proud when it was done. 

WHY do we do these crazy things we would rather not do, for these silly traditions? 

What motivates me or anyone else out there to decorate 2 pumpkins at 6:30 in the morning?

I guess for me, I knew my girls had their hearts set on it, and were counting on me.  The fact that I was not feeling well, was tired, didn't want to be there, didn't cross their radar screen.

In all reality, it wasn't that big of a deal.  We all lived through it, and I felt good that I did something that mattered to my children, and my girls were proud to carry their pumpkins into school and to be apart of something bigger than themselves, and ultra-important in their eyes.

  I was impressed with how organized the PTA was when we arrived.  They even gave each participant a prize.  So now, no matter what,  each child feels important and that they have won.

It is so crucial that we as parents "step- up" and try our hardest to "show-up" to those little things that matter in the lives of our children. 

They are counting on us.

Daughter Journals

The journals I bought for my Daughter Journals

I have been writing in a journal since I was 8 years old

It is fun and embarrassing to go back and look at my crazy handwriting and laugh at the ridiculous things I wrote about. 

I have completely forgotten most of the things I journaled about way back then--and actually even 5 years ago.  

I have gone to my journals many times to look up information or details of something I have forgotten about. It has been really nice to have them.

The other day I actually caught my girls laughing hysterically with one of my journals in their hand.
It was one of those moments you think about happening when you are keeping a  journal, and you kind of hope doesn't happen.

The idea of writing a journal for my children came from Linda Eyre. I loved that idea...especially since I already enjoyed journaling.

I went out and bought 5 small-sized, hard-backed journals and started journaling my daughters lives. {see the above picture}

Basically, you start off writing about the day they were born, or even before that--feelings and thoughts you had while you were expecting them.  When I was pregnant, I had a lot of feelings going on about this child who was joining our family.  

I began this journey when I had 5 children, so I had some catch up. But if you don't want to do catch up, I would at least journal all your memories of their birth, then go from there.

Then, write all those cute things they do or funny things they say or interesting things they have done.  Keep it simple and journal about mundane things of their lives-from your perspective as their mother.  Keep it upbeat and positive.  Several of my journal entries  are just letters I write to them on that particular day-kind of my thoughts and feelings.

How often to write?  It is definitely not a daily or even weekly journal for me. I have had my times of writing very regularly, and times of so much business, they sat on the shelf.  I figure, this is one of those choice things I am doing for my children which will make a mark and difference in their lives, so I try to write in it monthly....something they said or what they are going through right now, or special feelings I feel for them as a mother. 

As I write, it helps me keep their lives in the proper perspective. To know that everything they are and whatever they are going through is unique to who they are and they are truly daughters of God, and He has a purpose for their lives. It reminds me that I am just here to guide them through it all.

One last note: Daughter Journals are off -limits for my girls  until they are married or have grown up and left the house for good.  I plan on giving it to them at that time. They all know I am doing this, and are already wringing their hands, anxious to have them.

Waiting on the Lord

Alyssa 20 yrs old

Waiting on the Lord is a concept we have learned, and re-learned, and re-lived each time we go through a trial or experience that requires a measure of faith, patience, and endurance,-more than what we normally live through.

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I think back to the time when our 5th daughter, Alyssa,  was born with a cleft lip and  palate.

We first learned of her cleft lip at birth.   I had a normal pregancy in every way except I had an on-going feeling during my pregnancy that something was not right. A feeling mothers cannot ignore, although we might want to.  I honestly thought of anything and everything it could be, and mentally prepared myself for many possible scenarios. At the appropriate time, I had all the tests given to determine the health of the baby including tests taken for birth defects. All the tests came back normal. I still felt something might be wrong. 

 Having a child with a  cleft lip never crossed my mind because I thought cleft lips/ palates were only hereditary.   The many ultra-sounds we had during the pregnancy only showed the perfect side of her face, so her cute little cleft lip did not show itself until her birth.




Picture of my daughter Alyssa at 3 months old

The birth itself was quite dramatic, and I 'll save you the  details, but we ended up having an emergency C-Section delivery. It was so emergency my husband was not  allowed in the operation room.  The doctors and nurses worked quickly to deliver our baby daughter. There was not the normal chatter going on between doctors in nurses during a c-section (I've had 5). Instead there was concentrated serious silence, everyone waiting to see how the baby would be when she was born. When she was born, I heard nothing but more serious silence and Dr's and nurses moving quickly working on Alyssa. She wasn't crying and I wasn't sure when I would hear her cry for the first time. The Dr. then leaned over the blue screen which blocked me from viewing my own C-section surgery, and told me in a careful and compassionate way, that my baby had a cleft lip. I remember saying "okay", but felt shock, numb, guilt, and devastated at not having a perfect baby. 

How did this happen?        What do we do now?     How is this going to change our lives ?    

  

My husband Richard was having a different experience waiting for the delivery in the waiting area of the OB unit.  Soon a nurse came walking down the hallway carrying Alyssa in her arms and told him he had a new baby girl. She then moved the blanket and showed him she had a little cleft lip. It was a complete shock to see his baby imperfect with a birth defect and only added to the drama already experienced this day. He struggled with his own feelings as the nurse asked him if he wanted to hold her? His thoughts and emotions raced with this new reality that we now had a daughter with a cleft lip. We had never even know anyone very personally with a cleft lip. What kind of life would she have?  Having a child with a cleft lip was so foreign to us. 

However, from the moment Alyssa was born, I could literally feel the strength of this tiny infant. Her strength gave me strength. When the nurses showed me her in the operating room after she was born, I looked into her eyes and felt recognition, and noticed immediately what beautiful eyes she had. Everyone commented on her beautiful eyes. Somehow,  I did not feel sadness, or pity for me or her.   I would look into her eyes and there was a sense of recognition that we had known each other once before and that everything was going to fine.  I could  feel she knew something that I hadn't come to yet.   I had no doubt that she was very aware. We were not yet as strong as she was.

The first thing we did   was to turn this trial over to the Lord  and began waiting on Him, although not so patiently at first.  It was kind of a desperate needing in those early days, more than faith.  I learned that desperation is not the same thing as faith.

At 6 weeks old we scheduled her first surgery for her cleft lip at Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah.  It was February 25th, 1998.  It also happened to be the date  of the worst snow storm Salt Lake had seen in 20 years. We lived 3  hours away and drove out the day before and stayed with an aunt who lived a short distance from the hospital.

As part of the  preparation for surgery, Alyssa had to arrive fasting.  She could have water.  Keep in mind...she is 6 weeks old!    I was a nervous wreck with 6 week old fasting baby.  On top of that, because of the snow storm, the 15  minutes drive to the hospital, turned into 45  minutes of white- knuckle driving. The entire city of Salt Lake looked like a parking lot instead of a road. It was a crazy day to be on the roads driving, and we had precious cargo on-board, on a serious top-secret mission. That is how  critical this day felt for us. No snow storm, nor anything was stopping us from getting to the hospital for our daughter.  It was our turn to have a perfect baby. 

We finally showed up at the hospital, and Alyssa did amazingly well with the fasting. Once again. she was stronger in body and spirit than her parents. Miracles were on our side. However, we were already emotionally worn out, and wanting this surgery desperately for our daughter.  RIGHT NOW was how we felt inside.  Our situation was more unique, more critical, more needy than any other patient there....or so we felt. We were very self-absorbed. They honestly, couldn't perform this magic  fast enough.

One of the initial steps prior to surgery is a check-up to make sure the children are healthy. It was in this initial exam, that we were told that our baby daughter had THRUSH, and would not be able to have the surgery until that was cleared up completely. Her thrush was so minor, I hadn't noticed it.

'Thrush usually develops suddenly, but it may become chronic, persisting over a long period of time. A common sign of thrush is the presence of creamy white, slightly raised lesions in your mouth - usually on your tongue or inner cheeks - but also sometimes on the roof of your mouth, gums, tonsils, or back of your throat. The lesions, which may have a "cottage cheese" appearance."-WebMD

It was the worst news we could have heard.  We didn't take it well.  We were upset.

We felt our world had come crashing in. 

W-H-H-A-AAA-T-T-T????!! ??????!!!!

 But, but, but,  we drove 3 hours the night before to get here, in the worst snow storm ever.....

 She  fasted..

...and we have been waiting and anticipating this since- her- birth.  We felt our circumstances were more special and more important than anything or anyone elses were. And more important than any medical obstacles.

 Needless to say, WE WERE DEVASTATED....and angry, and hurt, that they wouldn't do the surgery for us that day.  We weren't ready to accept our reality, and waited for the surgeon to tell these nurses what was up! However, that never happened. The hospital staff was sympathetic, yet their diagnosis was absolute.  There was going to be no surgery for our daughter this day.  It wasn't going to be happening.   It seemed the windows of heaven slammed on us and we were all alone.

On top of that because of the harsh weather that day we were also completely snowed in Salt Lake. We couldn't even go home!! We decided to go to  Temple Square and try to bring some joy back into our lives.   

By evening, the snow cleared up  and we were able to travel back home..although we were in the same place we were when we left.  Still needing a surgery for our baby. Except now we were on a mission to get rid of this  thrush that had turned our lives upside down.

It took another 6 weeks to get rid of the thrush. Alyssa was either allergic to every medicine we tried or it just didn't work.  The only medicine that worked was Genetian Violet. [ If you are unfamiliar with this medicine, it is the color and consistency of purple ink and you have to paint their mouths with it.  They look like they just ate a dark purple Popsicle].

 This second 6 weeks was like an endless procedure waiting, trying everything, and waiting some more. It was a purifying, unifying, and humbling time as we learned what it meant to wait on the Lord in faith.  Not faith in an outcome, but faith in Him.

 It was during this time of  WAITING that the Lord taught us, helped us, strengthened us, and made us into different parents.  It was during this 6 weeks that we came to accept our daughter's cute little cleft lip.  We became more patient and long-suffering as we waited on the Lord's time not ours.


From this experience I learned:

Waiting on the Lord is  a choice... because HOW we wait effects what we learn and how we grow. 

In fact, I don't think I am ever NOT waiting on the Lord for something. We are dependent upon Him for everything. Everyday.

What does it mean to wait on the Lord?  Here is an excerpt from Elder Hales talk:

 In the scriptures, the word wait means to hope, to anticipate, and to trust. To hope and trust in the Lord requires faith, patience, humility, meekness, long-suffering, keeping the commandments, and enduring to the end.

To wait upon the Lord means planting the seed of faith and nourishing it “with great diligence, and … patience.”

It means praying as the Savior did—to God, our Heavenly Father—saying: “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done.” It is a prayer we offer with our whole souls in the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Waiting upon the Lord means pondering in our hearts and “receiv[ing] the Holy Ghost” so that we can know “all things what [we] should do.”

As we follow the promptings of the Spirit, we discover that “tribulation worketh patience” and we learn to “continue in patience until [we] are perfected.”

Waiting upon the Lord means to “stand fast” and “press forward” in faith, “having a perfect brightness of hope.”

It means “relying alone upon the merits of Christ” and “with [His] grace assisting [us, saying]: Thy will be done, O Lord, and not ours.”

As we wait upon the Lord, we are “immovable in keeping the commandments,”knowing that we will “one day rest from all [our] afflictions.”

Elder Hales : Waiting on the Lord (read it here)