Before I was married, my wise mother sat me down and gave me the best advice
I have ever received about marriage:
4 ways to have a happy husband
Now I want to share it with all of you. It will be first on my list of advice for my daughters when that time comes in their lives.
#1: Keep the Cave Clean
We wives really underestimate how important this is to our husbands. They may not say it, but oh, how they love a home that exudes order. When they come home from work and the house is a place of chaos both physically and spiritually...they feel that stress and it adds an extra burden to their shoulders.
This does not mean that our homes have to be perfect, or that we have to do all the work ourselves. Keeping the house clean is kind of family project. For the most part, this is something we can all strive to make run smoothly, and to not give up after a few bad experiences.
I realize that some women are offended at this suggestion, and I don't mean to offend anyone. But, you must know, a husband is a happy husband who comes home to order not chaos.
I worked at our local temple for about a year in the housekeeping department. Basically we cleaned the temple before it got dirty. A little different concept than our homes. There were nights when we were super busy and could only get done the bare minimum of cleaning. That happens at home too...a lot. On those busy days at the temple, if we got nothing else done, we would empty garbages, do bathrooms, and vacuum. That covered it for that night.
I have implemented that into my home as well, although I have added a few others.
- Beds made
- Dishes done
First off, have you ever gone into a home that smells badly? This is embarrassing for both the homeowner and the visitor. You want to eliminate those sources that can cause odor in your homes. Many times, we get very used to the smells in our home, and don't realize it stinks.
Dirty dishes, dirty laundry, un-flushed toilets, and dirty garbages can make a home smell. So for sure, you want to keep up on those.
Next, there are just a few tricks that make a house look cleaner than it may be. A made bed does wonders to make a bedroom look cleaner. I always tell my kids to make their beds FIRST when they are cleaning. This makes them feel like great progress is being made because their room look clean with just the bed made. A vacuumed floor also is another trick, that makes the room look 5 times cleaner just because it is vacuumed. At the beginning of the day or the end of the night if we can just go through and de-clutter a little, it helps keep the house looking and feeling cleaner.
A clean house radiates a spirit all on it's own. Have you ever noticed how your children love to play in a clean area? Cleanliness really is next to Godliness and you can feel that when you take the time to keep your house in order.
Another point that I didn't mention above is to have a sense of schedule to your family. There is a peace that comes into your family when everyone can predict a sense of schedule:
- Wake-up time
- Family prayer time
- Family scripture time
- Family Home Evening time
- Meal time
Happy Husband #2: Love Him
Love them when you wake up, love them when they come home, be grateful when they call you, be grateful for all the ways they take care of you, notice all the hard work they do for you and the family, let them know how wonderful they are, and love them frequently.
We don't read minds well, and so you have to tell them who awesome they are, and be specific. You know what you love about your spouse and the many small thoughtful things they do for you all day--tell them! Then sit back and watch them glow with pride and want to do anything and everything for you. It will happen. Make them feel like they are worth a million bucks-because they are!
When they come home after work, let coming home be pleasant for them. When they walk in the door, don't shove the kids at them and tell them"I have had it,.... now it is your turn!" I am sure they are more than willing to help out and take any burdens off of your shoulders, but it is all in the approach. Greet them with a hug, a kiss, and a smile. We have a tradition in our marriage, that when my husband comes home we get 5 minutes interrupted in our room with the door shut to talk about the day. Our kids know this and respect it.
Don't keep score. "I got up the last three nights..." etc. Care for you husband. Be nice to him. He'll return the favor. It will make your marriage sweet if you don't keep score.
Nurture your husbands. They can do our job and can do everything for themselves. That is not the point. It brings love into your relationship when you nurture your husbands. Another word might be-serve. This doesnt' take away from you, it makes you more whole. It is a loving thing to do...take care of them. Make them feel wanted, needed, and nurtured.
Be-With-Your- Husband. We wives often underestimate the importance to our marriage and the overall well-being to our whole family, by loving our husband frequently. This is a commandment, and also one of the great things of life. I think of it as the fruit with Lehi tasted, that was so spiritually and physically fulfilling to his soul, so much that he wanted all of his children to be able to partake. It has symbolism to the Atonement of Christ and so we know how sacred it is. It is the means by which we bring children into this world and bring pure joy into our marriage relationship. It is like a sacrament and must be something we partake in order to benefit from the blessings. This connection needs to happen regularly so we know everything is right in our marriage. It has magical qualities to re-instill that feeling each and every time. Don't neglect this aspect of your marriage. It is so important.
# 3 Feed Him
Our husbands like food, and want to eat good tasting food on a regular basis. All of our husbands are different in what they like to eat..but they all want to eat. So feed them!
#4 Stay Attractive
I have seen this happen: Women get married and stop dressing nicely, stop doing their hair, stop wearing make-up (if they wore it when they dated) and let themselves go. They pretty much stop doing all the things they did to attract their husbands to them to start with.
A husband wants to show you off, and wants to feel good about himself. This has a lot to do with our appearance. He wants YOU to look good. I know it may not seem fair, but it is true.
Men are visual, and staying attractive effects how they feel about us [and how they feel about themselves.] Some of it, we can't help. Hormones, diseases, genetics can do cruel things to our bodies. A caring loving husband will love us in spite of our imperfections and vice versa. But it is still good advice to make every effort to stay attractive to our husbands.
Smile. Be positive. Don't be high maintenance. Strive to better yourselves. Be someone interesting to talk to. Make his happiness your top priority. And just watch, he'll do the same.
These time-less truths may sound old-fashioned , but if you follow them, you will have a happy husband who will look to you as his greatest strength, and the love of his life.