Saturday, February 25, 2012

Facts of Life

When my oldest daughter Amber went to college for the first time... she struggled.

Although she is a happy out-going person, she struggled because in high school she had established herself  and everyone knew who she was. She went to college and felt alone and lost because no one knew her and no one believed in her. At least that is how she felt and her self-esteem couldn't seem to rise above negative zero. She wanted to tell everyone, but, but, but... I am awesome! and, and, and.... I am a great person. 

It wasn't until she came home from school, that she felt comfortable enough, that her self-esteem could start building again. 

Who knows why she experienced this or where it came from.  But we all have this need inside of us to be noticed and valued by those around us.


So I have been thinking of a post I wrote a couple of months ago called {Noticing Others}
If you haven't read it yet, jump on over to that blog post and read it really quick.  I want to kind of expound on those thoughts.

 As with almost everything, it comes from a book I have read and little a-ha moments I want to share with you because they are THAT good.

 The book is  {How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing With People} click on that link if you are interested and it will send you to Amazon where you can buy a copy for  $10.  I found mine at Deseret Industries for aboaut 85 cents.

It has become one of those books I mark up with a pencil and ear-mark the page corners.  I read it, put it away, come back to it later and I still  have the same a-ha moments each time.

This is psychology stuff, which I really get into.  Even if you don't, listen up, because this is just basic Getting Along With People 101.  Most of us are people, most of us live with people, and most of us are parents of or spouses of people.  So this pretty much applies to all of us. 

 Facts of Life-
probably not the same talk your mom gave you

  • We are all more interested in ourselves  than in anything else in the world.
  • Every person you meet wants to feel important and to "amount to something"
  • There is a craving in every human being for the approval of others, so that he can approve  of himself.

Here are some other little bits of truth and wisdom for you to ponder on as well...

  • The self-centered egotistical person is not suffering from too much self-esteem, but too little.
  • If you are on good terms with yourself, you are on good terms with others
  • Once a person begin to like himself a little better, then he is able to like others a little better.
  • Ego- hunger is as universal and natural as the hunger for food
  • Low self-esteem means friction and trouble

Building others up

Help others like themselves better

  • Feed their ego with genuine compliments. Try to find 5 things to compliment them on each day. Be creative. Be sincere.
This works great on children.  My 12 year old daughter who really  ATES to read, and to clean her room, and several other things.  When she comes to me and says, "I can't read XXX amount of pages before Friday." 

 I say these magical words... "I know if anyone can do it, YOU can!"  Besides stopping her whining because she doesn't know how to respond, those words gave her a sense of accomplishment already and filled her ego and self-esteem.  She walks off believing in herself.

  • Notice them!  Take time for them because everyone matters.
  • Love them as the Savior would.
  • Pray! Teach them to pray for themselves and; to read their scriptures.  Seek for the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ to be applied in their life.

“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ would take the slums out of people, and then they would take themselves out of the slums.
The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.” 
-Ezra Taft Benson

Couldn't low-self esteem be considered "the slums"? 

Check out this adorable blog post from Brooklyn @ The Frog Princess

She lays it out on the line why she has a high self-esteem. 

To quote the yellow sticky note above...She Rocks!